Are You Smarter Than a 1st Grader?

A few weeks ago Andrew was sent home with some math homework to complete.  It was all about the "Fact Triangle", which I had never heard of.  And if you do know what it is don't turn your nose up at me yet....it's been a while since I've been to 1st grade ; )
Back when we were in school I had to walk five miles, with holes in my shoes, up hill and knee deep in snow just to get to the school house.....oh wait, that's not me, that was my mom and dad's story!  Did everyone's parents use that story?
Anyways I digress (as usual).....I promise I'm getting to the story. 
If you're not a teacher and have been away from the teaching process for a while you soon realize that teaching methods have changed....for the better!  There are new concepts out there that make learning easier for kids. 
Here's a little lesson in "Fact Triangles"......

Looks easy right...well the worksheets look something like this:

Blanks...that's all I saw was blanks....and well, I  was confused.....so I did what any rational mom would do and decided I had to run to the store.  I handed the homework off to Jesse and told him I'd be back and to "take care of it".  Surely he would be able to figure this "fact triangle" puzzle out....surely.

When I returned home I found a frustrated husband sitting beside an even more frustrated 1st grader.  They had been at the homework for a while and were almost done (~Whew~I dodged a bullet)!
So I slid the homework in Andrew's backpack and sent it in to school.  A few days later the homework was returned home again with a note from Andrew's teacher that read: "Try Again".  So of course I LAUGHED OUT LOUD!  I couldn't help myself.  I mean it is quite funny that two parents with College degrees couldn't figure out a 1st graders math homework......and the kicker....Jesse was the one who did it wrong!!!!!  HA! (He's gonna hate me for this post)!

Here's where he went wrong, he added the numbers around like this:

12 + 6 = 18

6 + 6 = 12

6 - 12 = 6

12 - 6 = 6

Where he went wrong was the 12 + 6 = 18, all the numbers should equal one of the numbers in the triangle. 

The only reason I know this is because I turned to my best friend "Google" and it pointed me in the right direction.

I helped Andrew correct his homework and it clicked right away with him.  The reason he had been so frustrated with Jesse is because he was learning one way in class and Jesse was teaching him another.  Then I wrote underneath the teacher's note "Sorry, Dad's fault"...*hehe*!

I am well aware that this post makes Jesse and I look like complete idiots, but it was way too funny not to share!
Wow......my poor kids, maybe we should get them tutors now!

All I Want For Christmas....

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth, my two front teeth, All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, so I can wish you a Merry Christmas!

The other night Andrew came to Jesse and said that he thought that his tooth was ready to come out.  Jesse wiggled on the bottom one and decided that it was ready!  So the procedure began, rag in hand, Andrew in front of Jesse and Jesse's hand in Andrew's mouth.
The tugging and pulling began with lots of giggles to go around. Sissy Lou was trying her best to bulldoze her way into the middle of the situation and Eli sat back with his hands covering his face. 
All of a sudden Jesse gives one good yank, and with that Andrew gets a look of shock on his face, pulls back and grabs his mouth.  Jesse, thinking he got the tooth out, starts saying, "Did I get it, did I get it?".
Andrew still looking a bit surprised steps forward and opens his mouth.....and we see a tooth on his tongue.....only it wasn't the one Jesse was pulling on....it was his top front tooth!!!
When Jesse pulled on the bottom tooth his hand slid up and knocked out his front tooth, HA!

So Andrew is legit to sing "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"!!!!  He looks so stinking cute too...just hate that he growing up so fast.

Jesse did end up getting that bottom tooth out as well!  When the Red's heard that the tooth fairy was coming they both started wiggling on their other teeth.

Eli was convinced that he had a tooth loose.....NOT even close...but I indulged him, cause that's the kind of mom I am : )

The Suit vs The Pig

Alright...here it is....the pig story that I eluded too last week.  I received permission from Jesse to post this so I hope you all enjoy!
Back years ago when Andrew was just a baby and we still lived in Alabama on the lake we had a brief encounter with an alleged wild boar.  Where we lived was kind of like a sub division, but not really.  Anyways, as I was driving up to our house one day and our neighbor stopped me and said: "I just saw a wild boar running around in your yard".  Of course you could imagine my surprise to that statement.  Wild boars are not known to be nice sweet swine...nope they are the kind that will poke you with their tusk and ravage you to pieces.  Since we had a small baby and a small dog I wasn't too happy with this!
It was right about time for Jesse to be home and he pulled up soon there after.  When I told him that there was a wild boar running around the neighborhood he immediately grabbed his bow and we jumped in his car...with Andrew.  So here we are driving around our "subdivision" with a baby in the back seat, Jesse in his suit and dress shoes and me holding his bow and arrow. 
We didn't have to drive too far until we saw the "alleged" boar running down the street.  When the boar met Jesse's eyes it took off down a wooded ravine toward a section of the lake.  Jesse jumped out of the car, took his bow and headed after the pork chop. 
There he went through the woods still in his suit, tie and dress shoes.  He finally had a good shot a took it.  The arrow hit the boar and it took off! 
Just about that time Jesse hears the sound of a window opening.  Then a little old lady leans her head out her window on the other side of the woods and says:
"You shoot that pig"
Jesse: "Yes mam, it was a wild boar"

Old lady: "that's no wild boar, that's somebodies pet" (this said with the thickest southern accent you can imagine)

Stunned and not sure what to do Jesse turns and runs out of the woods...still in his suit and dress shoes and bow in hand!

He gets in the car unable to control his laughter and takes off himself.  He kept saying "I don't know what to do.....the arrow is still in the pig".
So we made the decision to drive around the neighborhood and look for the pig. Just a few turns later we see the "wild boar" running in the middle of the street in the subdivision with a yellow arrow sticking out it's side.
Apparently, Jesse didn't get that great of a shot, or it stuck in it's shoulder because that pig was booking it and not hurt at all. 
Jesse was ready to jump out of the car again, when I so gently pointed out that it's broad day light in a heavily populated area.....and he was in his suit....plus the fact that we had no idea if it was a pet or a wild boar!
We thought it best to leave and just let the pig be alone with Jesse's arrow......a gift of sorts.
To put every ones mind at ease...it wasn't a pet pig, it was a wild boar complete with the tusks!
We never saw that porker again though...guess Jesse showed him!

The Private....in the Army

This morning as Jesse was driving the Red's to school a conversation arose about an army game that Andrew plays.  Jesse called to tell me about it and I couldn't wait to share it with you guys.  It has started my day off laughing....and what better way to start a Monday off....with a laugh!

Andrew:  Hey Daddy, you know my game Doodle Army
Jesse:  Yes
Andrew:  the guy on there talks to you...he says "Private, it's just you and me now"
Jesse:  Andrew, do you know what a Private is?
Andrew:  Yeah, it's your wiener and bum bum!

See...it made me laugh again....Potty talk gets me every time!
Jesse did explain to him what a  Private is in the Army.....only after he quit laughing!

The Truth And Nothing But The Truth

I was out the other night and left Jesse on kid detail.  I have said this before and I'll say it again...I can always count on a blog after Jesse watches the kids.  Don't know why, but it never fails.  So below is the recounted story from Jesse to me:
Jesse was upstairs getting Sissy Lou ready for bed when he heard a loud crash.  Immediately he knew that a window had been hit.  He jumped up and ran downstairs only to find the Red's scampering away.  Jesse looked at the windows to make sure they were still in tact...and they were, but there was something lying on the floor next to the windows.  I'll give you a guess...I blogged about it a few weeks ago....A SMALL WOODEN BASEBALL BAT!

I'm assuming that the talk we had with them on that day had slipped their minds!  Anyways, Jesse looks over at the Red's and says: "Alright, what happened?".
Andrew: "Eli did it"
Jesse: "Eli, what did you do?"
Eli: "I didn't do nothing daddy"
Jesse: "Eli, I heard something and I know you did something....so what is it?"
Eli:  "Um, maybe it was a bird that flew into the window?"
Jesse: "Eli, you need to tell daddy the truth"
Eli: "Um, maybe the bat flew itself over and hit the window"
Jesse: "Eli, you had better tell me the truth right now, when you lie you get into trouble, but if you always tell daddy the truth you will not get into trouble...do you understand?"
Eli: "yes sir"
Jesse: "Alright then, tell me what happened"
Eli: "well....I threw the bat and it hit the window"
Jesse: "thank you for telling the truth...because you told the truth you will not get into trouble"

This all has a point...just bare with me a moment!

A little while later.......
Jesse tells the Red's to come up and get into the tub.  After a few minutes he goes into the bathroom to check on the progress of them bathing themselves (which usually takes forever)!  When he opens the bathroom door he sees that they have indeed washed everything but themselves.  The bathroom was drenched in water....it was all over the floors, the walls, the vanity...EVERYWHERE!
What you have to understand is that we have had this same conversation with them a million times... "DO NOT SPLASH THE WATER OUT OF THE TUB"!  I even quit letting them take a bath together for a while to remedy the problem.....now back to the story:
So again Jesse looks at the Reds and says:

"Alright...WHO DID IT?"
and with that Eli jumps up and raises his hand as high as he can and says
"IT WAS ME DAD, I DID IT"

Don't you hate when previous lessons come back to bite you in the buttocks! 
Smart Boy!

Eagle Eye's Jesse

 We had our Worship Team Renewal this weekend so I was not home Friday night or most of the day Saturday.  Jesse was home three-deep in kids and trying to maintain the house at the same time.  There is one thing that I can count on when I am away for an extended amount of time and that is....my next BLOG POST.  It never fails, whenever Jesse is home with the kids, there will always be a story to write!
When I returned home late Saturday I was pooped.  I was emotionally drained from a great renewal time with the Worship team so all I wanted to do was crash out on the couch.  When my feet hit the doorway Payton ran over to me with a black marker in her hand.  I took it away and asked where she got it.  Jesse looked puzzled and said he didn't know.  I was too tired to investigate any further so I let it go.   Jesse immediately grabbed my hand and led me to the kitchen and started pointing out what he had done while I was gone.  "See.......I did the dishes and unloaded the dish washer, aren't you so happy with how wonderful I am *grin*".  I thanked him for what he had done and made my way to the couch.

Only when I sat down my eyes were immediately drawn to something etched on the couch cushion.  I looked at the cushion then glanced back at Jesse and then back to the cushion.  Then I asked "so......have you been watching the kids?". 

Jesse:  "YES Joy, I have been playing with them all day, they haven't left my sight". 

Joy:  "Then did you see that Eli wrote his name on the couch cushion with black marker?"

Jesse:  "what?  You're kidding......where?"

Then I showed him Eli's name that he had printed on the couch cushion in BLACK MARKER!

While we were looking at it somehow my mom sense kicked in and my eye caught another "Eli" printed on the ottoman:

Then......I started looking for them, and somehow they just kept popping up:

Jesse was laughing a little and he kept saying "I promise, I was with them all day, he must have just done it in the last 5 minutes". 

As I'm looking for more "Eli's" Jesse calls Eli in the room.  When he appears I see more of his artwork on...HIM!

He even managed to write "E  l   i"  across his face.....E on one cheek...l on the other cheek and i on his chin.

So much for crashing on the couch....it was time to get busy scrubbing "ELI" off EVERYTHING!

Happy Birthday Jesse!

Happy 38th Birthday to my amazing, loving husband!  I love you so very much and I'm so blessed and privileged to have such a strong man of God in my life and our kids lives.  You are such an amzing father and nothing makes me happier than to see you pour your love on them.    I would not be the woman that I am today without your help molding me, pushing me and loving me over the past 12 years!  
 I was sitting here this morning thinking about Jesse's birthday, I was overcome with how many lives he has touched in his 38 years.  I thought how awesome it would be for me to just share with you a little about Jesse and what makes him so very special.  So, here is a little of his amazing testimony:

"I was born in Cicero Illinois September 30, 1972.  My father was a pretty violent guy and was murdered when I was 2 years old.  I grew up in a very dysfunctional home but was fortunate to have a mother who loved me very much.  At the age of 18 I was the first of my family to graduate high school.  From their I received a college scholarship to play division I baseball at Northern Illinois University.  I had some good success in college but found myself falling into the traps that many in my family had.  I was drinking regularly, experimenting with drugs, and indulging in very unhealthy premarital relationships.  As college wrapped up I was drafted by the Milwaukee Brewers and was excited to pursue a life as a professional athlete.  As I entered into what many would call a dream opportunity I found myself participating in nightmarish behaviors.  I sunk deeper and deeper into a life of despair.  At this time a number of incredible things occurred.  One, I was reunited with my brother Mike.  When we had last seen each other 5  or so years earlier he was a drunk violent guy.  Now he was what he called "a born again Christian".  I was floored by the change but thought he was a bit crazy.  Next I met another Christian on the Brewers who was all over me about Jesus and the Gospel.  Finally, I sustained a knee injury.  My injury gave me a lot of time to reflect and when I was at my darkest time in the off-season my Christian buddy from the Brewers called me and said that he had inured the same knee and was rehabbing in Arizona.  I was floored by his call and even more floored when he invited me to come rehab with him.  There he took me to Bible studies and got me involved in the baseball ministry.  This still was not for me and then a final amazing thing happened.  A old high-school friend called and asked me to come visit.  When I arrived she told me she was a Christian!  Wow...I couldn't get away from these people.  I spent the night at her house, on the couch of course, and the next day she MADE me go to church with her.  It was there that I was introduced to the saving grace of Jesus and my life was forever changed.  Because of his sacrifice, my life's direction took an about face.  Baseball ended, and a new life began.  I have since met the love of my life, have 3 beautiful kids, and am blessed to be living for the King."

Even though Jesse's birthday is September 30th his true "birth" day was January 12, 1997 because that is the day he became a New Creation!  I want to share just a few snippets from some of the people that Jesse has touched over his life span.

"Your witness, encouragement, and living by example have impacted me in such a positive way"
"Thanks for your friendship, guidance, and love and know that you have had a profound influence on me."
"On a daily basis I have situations that need someone like you to remind me of the Christian answer to give or the Christ like way to act.  You brought me closer to the Lord and I can never thank you enough."
"You came into our lives when we definitely needed Christian leadership."
"It is an honor for me to speak about the impact Jesse has had on my life.  In a sentence, he, other than Jesus, is solely responsible for me coming to know Christ."
"One thing I love is that you are bold about your faith."
"He has always made me a better man, a better husband, a better father and a better Christian, by his example."
"Your steadfast love for Christ is and will always be an inspiration to everyone that meets you."
"I remember you giving me your testimony and you said, "I can't believe He saved me! He saved ME!" A truer statement was never said."
"Your Godly like character and steadfastness when things are good or when troubles come has been a blessing to me."
"It is fantastic to see someone who lives faithful to his God, his family, and his friends."
"You were the first to introduce me to Christ."

All this is not to put Jesse up on a petal stool.  He knows he is not perfect (well maybe he doesn't know, but I do...kidding).  The difference is that he strives daily to live a life after God's heart.  When he stumbles, he gets up and keeps going. He's not scared or ashamed to share what God has done for him.  He is just trying to do what we all should be doing....sharing the gospel of Christ!
So to celebrate Jesse's birthday today, share your love for God with someone.  And if you don't know God, today is a great day to get to know Him.....He's waiting with arms wide open!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSE LON RICHARDSON!!!!!!

The Reds Strike Again!

Many of you have read about the debacle concerning our TV.  For those of you who have no clue on what I'm referring to here is  a brief recap:
Our TV for the basement that we bought last October just quit working one day.  We called the company and after being yanked around for a month they finally shipped a new one out to us.  It took another two weeks for the thing to be delivered, for a grand total of 6 weeks of no TV for the "man cave" (and that is all inclusive of Jesse and The Red's).  So we now have had the TV back for around two weeks and this is where my story begins:
Jesse is very protective of "his" TV.  He babies the thing, dust it, and wipes the screen off carefully.  I have also found him down stairs a couple of times with his arms wrapped around it whispering sweet nothings into the speaker =]

The other day I was gone and the Red's were in the basement playing.  It was late when I returned so Jesse had just put the Red's to bed.  When I walked in, Jesse decided to head downstairs to  his "man cave" and watch some hunting shows.  He was only gone a minute when he returned upstairs holding this in his hands:

Yes, a bottle of carpet spot remover.  He had taken it downstairs a few nights before because Belle The Wonder Dog had thrown up on the carpet. So instead of bringing it up when he was finished he sat it on a shelf beside the TV.  I can tell you from experience that you never, NEVER leave anything lying around in arms reach or climbing reach of The Red's.  Jesse however had forgotten this small detail.

He had this disturbed look on his face and so I asked what was wrong.  He says to me through gritted teeth "YOUR boys sprayed this on MY TV".  Now wait just a minute solider boy....back up.....who's boys and who's TV?  Now who left the spot remover spray downstairs next to the TV?  Oh that's right, JESSE!  So how did it become my fault?  I just let him be, because I knew he was upset.  I asked how bad and if the TV still worked and he replied "I don't know".  So he headed downstairs to clean up the TV and make sure it isn't ruined. 

I in the mean time head to the Red's room to find out what happened.  As I popped my head in I can hear them carrying on a conversation between themselves.  Apparently they overheard Jesse and I talking.  So I interrupt and say "boys, did you guys spray the TV with that carpet spray?".  Andrew answers "yes, but we were trying to get the magic school bus to appear, and it didn't, so I guess that wasn't the magic school bus spray".  WHAT?????????  I didn't even try to engage that conversation because I was too lost!

By the way, the TV was fine.......and Jesse's face color returned to normal.....and the spot remover, well it got thrown in the garbage.

Camouflage

I think I've said too many times what a hunter my husband is.  To be a good hunter you have to have good camo.  You must blend into your surroundings, you must look and smell like Mother Earth:

You must paint your face:

You must practice painting your face with your wives purifying facial mud mask:
 GOT YOU!

You cannot hunt ducks without cleansing first ; )
He had to know this was going to make it to the blog.......I don't know what was funnier:  watching him put it on, or watching him try not to laugh because it dried so tight on his face!  Just thought you guys would enjoy!  Even with his tough guy face he still looks comical!  LOVE YOU JESSE!

Duck Commander eat your heart out!

Punching????

I want to tell this story, but I want to say first that this was just a JOKE! The Red's were not serious, they were just being funny little boys. Please do not look down upon us as bad parents (or bad mother for sharing).



Here lately The Red's have been all about punching.  I'm not talking about for real mad punching, I'm talking about the playful wrestling punches.  They run around punching their Dad, punching Grandman, and of course punching each other.......again let me say, "all in a playful manor".  I have no idea what sparked this interest, but they think it's the funniest thing ever.
The other night we were getting the boys into bed and getting ready to say our prayers.  As always Jesse opens the floor to the Red's and offers them a chance to say what they want to pray for.  Sometimes we get some really crazy answers from these silly guys and this time had to be the strangest answer yet.  Here's how the conversation went down:
 
Jesse: "boys, what would you like to pray for tonight?"
Andrew: "I want to pray that I can punch Jesus"  (please keep in mind he is 6 and being SILLY)
 
Jesse got a shocked look on his face but before he could answer Eli chimed in.
 
Eli: "I want to pray to punch Jesus too"
 
They both giggled and squirmed around thinking how silly they were
 
Jesse:  "Andrew, that has to be the meanest thing I've ever heard you say"
 
The reality of what they said kicked in and Andrew starts doing back strokes
 
Andrew: "UM, I think that I want to pray that Jesus forgets that I ever said that"
Eli:  "Yea, me too"
 
Good choice boys!!!!  But just for extra measure we read them the story of Sodom and Gomorrah......  ; )  I'm kidding! 

The Fence Dilemma

Most of you know by now that my husband is an avid hunter.  He hunts anything that is in season, but his main love is duck hunting.  For that reason he bought a Labrador last year for retrieving ducks/geese and doves.  We named her Belle the Wonder Dog and she loves...LOVES to retrieve!

This past year Jesse spent countless hours training Belle and she has done quite well with her training.  This is her first hunting season to try out her skills so we were all nail biting the first hunt.  You never know how a dog will do with live birds and not just decoys or bumpers.

  Last weekend was opening season for Dove and Jesse thought this was perfect for Belle's first hunt.  The first day she did alright, but still quite hadn't figured out that whole live hunt thing.  The second day she lived up to her name....Wonder Dog...Jesse was so proud and was beaming when he came home.  He said everyone was just bragging on how awesome Belle was.  The only problem she had that day was with.....a fence.  Yep, a fence, the kind that have the wooden slats:

 When a bird would fall on the opposite side of the fence Belle would burn over there just to hit the brakes when she came to this fence.  She couldn't for the life of her figure out how to get over the fence.  Jesse being the "dog whisperer" decided that the best way for Belle to learn is to show her.  So Jesse (big body) walks over to the fence and proceeds to get down on his belly and slide himself under the fence.  He said there was plenty of room from the bottom slat to the ground.  He slid as far under to his waist and when Belle saw what he was doing she shimmied right under next to him and retrieved the bird from the other side.  She then went right back under the fence with the bird and sat down next to Jesse who was still under the fence half way. 

You know, some people have problems with calculations.  Like calculating the width under a fence, or calculating your body mass to said fence.  As he tried to slide backwards he realized something.....he was STUCK...oh yea, he couldn't move forward and he couldn't move backward...STUCK REAL GOOD!  His buddies were no help because they were on the ground snot laughing (as I would have been at this sight).  Jesse got tickled himself and was laughing so hard he couldn't move.  So there he was lying face down under the fence with his buddies standing around saying "Fat boy stuck in the fence"........I don't care who you are...that's funny people!  Finally after gaining his composure, and with some help, he managed to unwedge himself and slide out.  I wish, I wish, I wish I was there with the video camera that day.  Why is it that I always miss the good moments?

Mr. Elmer...the glue

They're BACK....The Red's are back....feeling 100% back...and ready for TROUBLE!

Yesterday evening I was trying my hardest to get everything done....you know...dishes from supper, baths for kids, getting clothes set out for the next day.  After supper things get a little crazy around here.  Anyways, as I was walking from the bedroom to the kitchen I see Eli dart and scamper around the corner.  I know my kids well....so I follow to find him, knowing he has done something or has gotten something he wasn't suppose to (a.k.a. Candy).  I called out for him and he stepped out into the hallway.  I asked what he had in his hands that were behind his back and he pulls out a HUGE bottle of Elmer's glue.  My heart skipped a quick beat and a little panicked I said "Eli, what did you do?".  With that he walks over and points to the fridge:

Eli has a girlfriend "Macy" who he adores.  They have been an item for a couple of years now and his eye has not strayed.  At Christmas, Macy's family had sent us a Christmas card and Eli confiscated it.  He has kept that card with her picture on it this whole time.  I didn't realize he still had it until I saw it GLUED to my fridge!!!  Yep...GLUED!  He couldn't have asked for a magnet or even tape...nope, he used GLUE!

So I chuckled under my breath and made him clean it off (which surprisingly he is very good at).  I get back to work trying my best to get everything ready for the next morning when I pass by Jesse's shoes in the hall way.  Upon walking in the door everyday, Jesse kicks off his dress shoes and leaves them by the back door.  I just happened to see a familiar white substance puddled inside the shoe. 

Again, my heart skipped a beat and I called for Eli. 

I asked "Eli, did you put glue inside daddy's shoes?".  He said "yeah"....like no big deal mom.  So I engage him more..."Eli, why did you put glue in daddy's shoes?".  He looked up at me with these big puppy dog eyes and said "because I didn't want daddy to go to work".  Yeah, I couldn't punish him after that line!  Little Weasel!

 I sent him on his way and started cleaning up the glue in the shoe...then I lifted up the shoe to get inside it.  This is when I just laughed out loud! 

 He had glued the shoes to the floor...he really didn't want his daddy going to work...that or he just played the best prank EVER!

After cleaning up ALL the glue I went into the boys room and said "Eli, is there anything else that you glued today?".....and with his simplicity he answers "yeah, right there"  and points to his wall.  He glued his picture that he had made in school to the wall! 

So now,  Elmer the glue has joined his buddy super glue in his hiding place, never to be seen or found until they have both dried up!

These Boots Were Made For Hunting

I was reminded last night of this story by a dear friend and couldn't believe that I haven't shared it.

As most of you know my husband is an avid hunter.  I'm talking, ducks, geese, deer, turkey, dove, etc......  He loves to be outdoors and loves to hunt.  In fact my basement is dedicated to his "trophy's" and at any given time during hunting season you will find some kind of hunting gear lying around.

Last year I bought him some new boots....state of the art....keep your feet warm and dry boots.  He goes through a pair a year so he was excited to get these "not so cheap" boots and I mean "not so cheap" literally!

After hunting he takes the boots off and places them on the landing in the garage so they can dry.  This is their permanent place during hunting season. 

Hunters get up and go hunting early in the morning before the sun comes up.  Everything is dark and still and Jesse always fights to get out of the house without waking everyone.  So one morning he dressed and walked out to the garage and stepped into his boots.  All of a sudden he feels something wet on his foot.  He pulls his foot out of the boot trying to figure out why the inside of his boot was wet.  He lifts the boot up and smells it only to realize that someone has PEED inside his "not so cheap" boot.  His sock is now wet and there is no way to get his boot clean and dry by the time he has to leave. 
You may also know that to be a successful hunter you have to be scentless....and....well pee is what you would call a deterrent to deer. 
He found his old boots changed his socks and left.  Later that morning he called to check in and told me what had happened.  Of course I was laughing, and I looked over at the boys and said "hey guys, did one of you pee in daddy's boots?".  With that Eli perks up, cocks his head to the side, smirks and says "YEA, I DID"!  Man I love that kid!

This has nothing to do with the story, but I love this picture.  This is Andrew trying on Jesse's boots when he was 1 1/2 year old

Eye Drops

Jesse getting super glue in his eye a few weeks ago reminded me of a story about the Red's and eye drops.  This was back in December and I haven't shared this with you guys. 

One night while I was away, the Red's got bored.  When the Red's get bored they entertain themselves.....with getting into and doing things they shouldn't.  They snuck back to our bathroom and had gotten into the drawers and pulled out a bottle of eye drops.  Jesse noticed that things were a little too quite around the house so he went to inspect.  What he found was Andrew and Eli taking turns putting eye drops in their eyes.  Nothing serious, but Jesse thought this would be a good time to have a little fun.
He gets this worried look on his face and says "OH NO".  Both the boys stop what they are doing and immediately look at Jesse and say "what daddy?".  Here is the conversation:
"you guys didn't put those eye drops in your eyes did you?"
"yes"
"OH NO, we have to call 911"

panic starts setting in with the Red's

"WHY DADDY?"
"because those eye drops are going to make your eyes not work anymore"
"NOOOOO, CALL 911, CALL 911"

Screams, wails, hysterical cries

"We don't want our eyes to stop working" 
*SOBS*

Then they both ran to the faucet and stuck their eyes underneath the water, flushing them out.  Jesse then tells them that he thinks they will be alright, but they shouldn't get into stuff that is in our bathroom.

That night while doing bedtime prayers Andrew says "daddy, Jesus healed our eyes"
Eli chimes in: "Yeah, He licked them"

Super Glue

You all know that I love my husband dearly, but sometimes I wonder what the heck is wrong with him!  The other day Jesse was busy down in his shop turning duck calls.  When he completes one he uses this special glue (aka....glorified super glue) to put a nice shine finish on it.  I just happen to walk down the stairs and see my husband grab his eye and he looked to be in pain.  I asked him what was wrong and he said he got the glue in his eye.  A million questions start crossing my mind, but I push them aside for now and tell him he needs to go and wash his eye out.  I push him toward the sink and start firing questions away.  It would seem that he opened the glue and it was a little clogged so he took off his safety goggles and started messing with the bottle when all of a sudden glue shoots up and lands right directly on his eyeball...talk about your luck!  So I tell him that I am taking him to the emergency room and with this I meet resistance.  He's a man, he can handle it....but I persist until he gives in or the burning in his eye takes over and knocked some sense into him.  We get in the car and the boys are zinging questions at him like "are you going to die" and stuff like that.  Then Eli (wise beyond his years) says, "daddy, you should have been wearing your glasses"....yes Eli, he should have been wearing his glasses...lesson learned!  After seeing the doctor they wash his eye out and numbed it to look around.  The piece of glue had dislodged itself and made it's way out of his eye...WHEW!  So Jesse and his eye are both fine, however, he did pout a lot that afternoon and wanted to be babied!

Corn

Do you know what I love about living in Louisville?  That would be fresh corn!  There is an abundance of fresh sweet corn around here in the summer time.  Last night I picked some up and cooked it for supper.  Payton just loves the stuff and she ended up eating three pieces of corn herself.  We joked saying that, that wasn't going to be a nice diaper to change.  This morning was Father's Day and just like clock work Payton needed her diaper changed first thing in the morning.  Since it was Father's Day I felt almost an obligation...(a sense of duty, if I may) to allow Jesse to change this diaper.  I was busy with breakfast and casually asked if he wouldn't mind changing her.....and of course the "OH MY" that came from Jesse's mouth was just enough to humor me throughout the morning!  Happy Father's Day....from Payton!

Later we set the water slide up and the boys were busy playing.  I also set Payton's baby pool up and put it close to our feet.  She came out after her nap and crawled right in with her clothes and diaper on.  I pulled all this off of her and just left her naked for a few minutes.  She was climbing in and out of the pool and we heard this loud poot.  We started laughing until we looked down and saw a pile of corn at our feet......so much for just a poot!  I have to say it made us laugh a little harder...and no I will not post a picture of that!

Father's Day

The other day the Red's were sitting with Jesse watching t.v. when a commercial came on with a lady shaving her legs.  She wasn't just shaving her legs she was using spray on hair remover.  The boys both seemed real interested and were watching intently.  The commercial was explaining how easy it was with this product to get rid of unwanted hair.  During the product plug, Eli looks over at Jesse (who is a very hairy manly man)and says "Daddy, you really need this " and Andrew agreed quickly.  So of course for Father's Day I just couldn't refuse to get Jesse what the boys wanted!  He was very excited!

What's Next....

Many of you like to say..."what's next" when it comes to the life around the Richardson household.  So in honor of you guys that is the title of today's message! 
It hasn't been a bad week, just funny, crazy, weird and just a smidge stressful!  So let me get busy and catch everyone up!

Monday:  Well it was just a Monday and nothing really happened until Monday afternoon when the boys got home from school.  I was sitting at the kitchen table reading the mail when I see Eli walk in from outside with his underwear in one hand and pants in the other.  Some have said I shouldn't post this because it might embarrass Eli in the future, but after this week it's all fair game!  So....

"Eli, what are you doing and why are your pants off?"

"Because"

"Because why Eli?"
"Because I poopy"
"Eli, why did you poopy in your pants?"
"Because I didn't make it in time"
"Eli, tell mommy the truth"
"Because I went the wrong way"
"Eli"
"Because I got lost"
"Eli, this is your last chance....tell me the truth right now"
"WELL BELLE AND GUS POOP OUTSIDE ALL THE TIME?"

So he didn't poop in his pants....he just pulled his pants down in the front yard and pooped like a dog in front of all our neighbors.....GREAT!

Tuesday:  I guess you could say that Eli was really feeling like the middle child and needed some extra attention.  At least this is what I told myself when  on Tuesday afternoon he called for me to come and look at something.  He sounded almost excited and couldn't wait for me to come see what he had done.  So I went to find him sitting about halfway down the stairs with something in his hands.  I said "Eli, what is that?" and at that moment I recognized what "that" was.  It was my rice container that I had just filled up a few days prior, only now it wasn't full anymore.  There was rice all down the stairs....in the basement...and on the pool table.  Logical question: "Eli, why did you do that?".  Logical answer:  "because".  I didn't even bother with the back and forth game....I just got the vacuum out and got busy cleaning.

Right about the time I finished vacuuming up the rice I hear a deafening scream coming from the back porch.  I ran outside to find Andrew in shambles screaming, crying and holding his foot.  Uncle Steve was visiting us so he had Andrew in his arms and told me that Andrew had a splinter.  I'm thinking...a splinter...Andrew is crying this hard over a splinter...geez!  As you all know Andrew is that kid that if something weird is going to happen it will be to him.  He also is very tough and doesn't ever cry when he gets hurt....unless he is really hurt.  So when I turned his foot over and saw the splinter I knew why he was screaming.  The splinter was in a wedge shape and had gone in one side on the pad of his foot and came out about an inch down.  The top part of the splinter was the largest part and it was embedded under the skin so deep that you couldn't reach it with tweezers.  The bottom end was like a needle poking out and it was in there deep.  Try as I might the thing wouldn't budge so I made the decision to take him to the doctor and have them remove it.  May I remind everyone that he had not stopped screaming yet and didn't stop until we arrived at the doctor....and he was still whimpering then.  This picture does not even do it justice and the darker spot at the top is way under the skin so even though it looks like I could just yank it out, I couldn't.

We got into the doctor's office and the doctor could not get it to budge and Andrew was screaming and finally the doctor stopped.  He looks at me and says "well, that is quite a splinter and it looks like it has barbed and splintered down inside the foot.  I'm going to send you down to Kosair's ER(our children's hospital) to get it removed."  I'm thinking...you've got to be kidding me...it's just a splinter!  So off we go to Kosair's and when we arrived they take us right back.  The doctor comes in and takes a look and says the same thing as the last doctor, "wow, that's a big splinter"!  So the game plan was to put numbing gel on it for an hour and then remove it.  Normally they only leave the numbing gel on for 30 mins, but the pad of your foot is really difficult to get numb so they left it on for over an hour.  After the hour was up we went to the procedure room where they wrapped Andrew like a mummy in sheets and strapped him to the bed.  Andrew looks at me and says "mommy, is it going to hurt again?" and I say "no baby, they put the special medicine on it so it won't hurt".......I will live to regret those words!  I should have known when the doctor didn't offer any words of comfort after I had said this that it was still going to hurt.  So the doctor is at the foot, the nurse is hovering over his legs and I am at his head talking to him when all of a sudden the screaming begins.  The foot was already sore from the other doctor poking at it and now this doctor is trying to cut the skin and dig the splinter out.  I have never heard my son scream and cry like he did that night.  Shear pain and he screamed so hard that he busted every blood vessel in his face an neck.  By the time it was over...probably 10 min.....there were three nurses on top of him and I was lying across his chest.  He was breaking out of the restraints and it took all of us to hold him down.  The doctor said "he has got to be one of the strongest kids I've ever met".  Everyone felt so sorry for him and knew how bad it hurt.  The doctor felt 50/50 that he had gotten it all and sent us to x-ray to make sure.  If there was some left in there we would have had to have surgery to get it removed.  I joked and said "no big deal, we'll be up here tomorrow morning at 6 am with my daughter for surgery...we can just run from room to room".  Thankfully the x-ray came back clean and we left with a big box of toys that they gave him for being so brave!  At this point it is just a wait and see game to make sure nothing is still in there.  If it starts swelling then we will have to do the surgery thing.  He said the x-ray might not have picked up on the small foreign objects, aka "splinter". 

Wednesday:  Payton had a lingual hernia that needed to be fixed so we were scheduled for surgery.  We left the house at 5:30 to arrive at the hospital at 6:00. 

Everything went great and she came through the surgery and recovery without a hitch! As we were sitting in the waiting room I leaned over to Jesse and said: "I think we need to be done having kids...I can't deal with much more of this stuff!"  I can handle most anything but when it comes to my kids health.....well I think you can all understand!

We arrived home around 10:30 and she slept for most of the day!

After I had got her to sleep that evening I decided that I would go and plant the plants that I had ordered.  They had arrived that day and I wanted to get them in the ground asap!  I had planted 3 of 9 when I went to fill up my bucket with water.  I was planting in the back yard and the faucet is on the back side of the house.  I put my bucket up there and cut on the water and just happened to look down and see this:

Needless to say I threw my bucket and ran screaming like a little girl!  Jesse came out and decided to be the crocodile hunter.  He wanted a picture with it so he spent the next 30 minutes chasing the snake down and trying to pick it up. 

 Yes...he is crazy...but I love him!
So that's it...poop, rice, splinter, hernia surgery and snake.....SO WHAT'S NEXT?  It's just Thursday after all! BRING IT!

Daddy's Care

This weekend I was singing at church and when I do this it is Jesse's responsibility to care for the kids.  He has to get them ready himself and get them to church, taking them each to their classes.  I always...Always, pick out their clothes ahead of time and lay them out for him.  If I don't do this there is no telling what my kids will walk in looking like (been there and done that...lesson learned).  This time being no different, I laid their clothes out and headed out the door.  I assumed that he would know who's was who's depending on the sizes. 
When church was over I went to the nursery to get Payton.  As I was walking out I noticed a small bow on the back of her dress.  I also noticed that her shoes were missing, but assumed that she had kicked them off in the nursery and they were in her bag.  As I looked closer at her dress I pulled back the front only to notice the tag was in the front...he had put the dress on her backward!  Laughing I walked in to find him and tell everyone I knew.  Jesse had gone to get the boys so when he walked up I was showing him and the boys came running up. Immediately I noticed that Andrew was wearing Eli's clothes and Eli was wearing Andrew's...this is including the shoes.  Eli looked like he had boats on his feet...they were so big on him.  When I told Jesse his response was...huh, I thought they looked big!  When we arrived at the car I saw Payton's shoes lying in the seat.  They never even made it on her poor feet!  Next time I think I will use labels and step by step directions for him!