Top 10 Moments

In honor of our 10 year anniversary I am compiling a list of our top 10 funniest moments.  I decided to do the funniest moments because that is the foundation of our marriage...humor.  With Jesse's quick wit and my clumsy awkwardness we make for an interesting pair.  So to get things kicked off I will start with #10:

Engagement Day

Jesse had planned a trip for us to take up to Chicago with the rouse being that it was his College's Homecoming.  So off we went on a Thursday afternoon from Birmingham to Chi-town.  This was my first trip up to Chicago and I was very excited.  Friday we milled around the city seeing the sights and taking in a few museums and eating our weight in some classic Chicago style pizza! 

 Saturday, October 9th, 1999 was Homecoming at Jesse's alma mater Northern Illinois University.  Jesse was so happy and proud to introduce me to all his college buddies and to show me around campus.  We even went and ate at a restaurant that still had a picture of him pitching up on the wall (he was some what of a legend there....greatest pitcher ever...at least that's what he told me). 

We all hung out for a while and Jesse takes my hand and tells me he wants to take me to see the baseball field where he had played.  So we start walking and I am noticing that he is being extremely sweet.  Don't get me wrong....he's always sweet (um...maybe not) but he was almost being over the top and acting a little nervous.  I had no clue what was going on and was wondering what the heck was wrong with him.  We walked up to the field and he unlatches the back gate (he had made arrangements for them to keep the field open for him).  As we walked through the back field up to the pitchers mound he starts his pre-planned speech.  We were standing right in the middle of the pitchers mound when he got to the important part. I can't remember word for word but I'll do the best I can:
"Joy, baseball use to be the most important thing in my life, but I have come to realize that now you are the most important thing to me and...."

this is where I stopped him in mid sentence because I was so distracted.  I had heard most of what he had said, but for the most part I had been starring at this large black nose hair that had made its way out his nose and was sticking out and curled around the outside of his nostril.  So I said:
"wait, you have a nose hair, let me get it"
and with this said I then reach up and start to grab it when he bats my hand away and gets a  little frustrated and says:
"Joy, I don't care about that...stop"
I am still oblivious to what is happening at this point, but I am a little miffed that he won't let me get this distracting nose hair off his face.  He starts up again:
"Joy, I love you"
"I love you too Jesse"
He finally regained his composure and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him.  He got down on one knee right in the middle of the pitchers mound (nose hair and all) and asked me to be his wife, and of course I said YES!

He was expecting tears, but for all you that know me when I get a little nervous I tend to laugh...a lot, and that is what I did.....laugh...but a very happy laugh!

P.S.  I did get that nose hair!

My type of Romance

Alright folks, don't get too carried away with that title.....let's keep it clean!

Yesterday was my 31st birthday and to celebrate Jesse took me out to a very nice dinner and bought me the most beautiful necklace, earrings and bracelet......it was breathtakingly beautiful.  I was treated like a queen and we dinned, laughed and enjoyed just being out together.  When we returned home it was bed time for the kids so we tucked them in and sent them to sleepy land.  Jesse came into the office to check his email and I joined him.  Feeling so thankful and loved I climbed up in his lap (again keep it clean people...I'm not going there),  and snuggled him, hugged him and thanked him for such a wonderful day.  As we talked we decided to go and sit out on the porch (on our new patio furniture....yea)!  So as I tried to get up this is what happened!

I was in my night gown and feeling very pretty. I was still wearing my necklace, earrings and bracelet and I was trying to be as classy as possible (first mistake).  I turned a little to put my feet on the ground but the dog was underneath my feet and in trying to miss the dog I forgot to uncross my ankles.  So my feet hit the ground with my ankles crossed and I was half way standing.  I felt almost like everything went to slow motion.  I began falling over like a tree that has just been cut down....straight down...not bending my knees and with no grace at all.  My hands flew up in the air and my body fell on the ground and in the process I hit the papasan chair next to me and sent it flying over and crashing into the wall.  So there I was sprawled out in the floor, Jesse laughing so hard that snot is coming out of his nose and all that classiness out the window!

I have to say though...this type of incident has been one of the things that has kept our marriage laughing and healthy.  We will celebrate our 10 year anniversary on the 8th of July and I can't count how many times we have snot laughed together!

Thief

This morning Eli woke up and asked for his usually, sausage biscuit and strawberry milk.  So I fixed it and put it on a plate and handed it to him on the couch.  This is an every morning ritual that is usually interrupted by Belle or Gus snatching a biscuit and running off with it leaving Eli miffed.  This morning was slightly different....instead of Belle or Gus snatching a biscuit it was Payton.  She waddled over to the couch grabbed a biscuit and turned around and ran as fast as she could.  Eli was not happy....not happy at all.....but Payton sure was!

Molasses, Lasagna, Chicken & Bunk Beds

Yesterday was just one of those days where all the kids were into everything.  Payton started it all off early in the afternoon when she decided that it was time to start climbing on everything....everything!  She somehow managed to wiggle herself up on the end tables by the couch and was standing on it when I caught her.  I think I pulled her off of there 3 times yesterday.  Then she scooted down the hall to the boys room and ascended the stairs to the bunk beds again!  I was busy cooking and I heard her laughing and my first thought was that she was up on top of the bunk beds again.  She was mighty proud of herself and she kept going back there and climbing up.  I would shut their door and some how the door would end up open and up she would go.  I pulled her down 5 times before I put another gate up in the kitchen to block her.  She then got into my pantry and pulled out the molasses (for those of you who don't know what this is...it is like a dark honey with a stronger flavor).  I left her be, because it's a jar and I knew she couldn't get into it.........yeah, I was wrong.  She managed to open the jar lid and stick her hand down in the jar.  She had sticky molasses all over her and the floor.  Luckily I saw her while she was trying to drink it! 

Thanks Belle for all your help!

After I got her cleaned up I ran downstairs to tell Jesse and when I returned I found something missing.  You see, we had company coming over to eat with us and I had been slaving away on lasagna for about an hour trying to get it ready to go into the oven.  I had just finished putting the top layer of cheese on it when Payton had gotten into the Molasses.  So I had made the decision to run downstairs before placing it in the oven.  I had just been gone a minute....just long enough to tell Jesse about his crazy daughter and run back up.  What was missing was a bite out of my lasagna and a very guilty looking Lab scampering away as fast as she could.  Don't worry....I cut out the part that was eaten by the dog and fixed it up again.  I guess it was a good thing I was only gone a minute......

Later that evening after we had finished up dinner the boys decided that they wanted the chicken that was left over.  So they ran into the kitchen and disappeared into their room.  I was busy entertaining and didn't think much of it until later that evening when I was tucking them into bed.  The thought then occurred to me that there was a lot of chicken left and they couldn't have eaten it all.  So I asked:

"Boys, did you guys eat all that chicken you brought back here?". 

Andrew answered "Yes".......um.....mom, what happens if I lie?". 

"Well Andrew, if you lie you will get a spanking......did you eat all that chicken?". 

"No, we didn't eat it all". 

"Okay, what did you do with it then?". 

"We threw it all around"

"You did what?  Where did you throw it?"

"behind the bunk bed"

You have to understand that the bunk beds we have are all attached and have a built in stair case that has an unreachable place behind them.....and that is where they put the chicken.  Luckily our friends were still here to help Jesse move the bunk beds out a little so I could retrieve the 5 pieces of chicken that were stuffed behind them. 

I would like to say thank you to my three loving children who keep my life interesting!

Corn

Do you know what I love about living in Louisville?  That would be fresh corn!  There is an abundance of fresh sweet corn around here in the summer time.  Last night I picked some up and cooked it for supper.  Payton just loves the stuff and she ended up eating three pieces of corn herself.  We joked saying that, that wasn't going to be a nice diaper to change.  This morning was Father's Day and just like clock work Payton needed her diaper changed first thing in the morning.  Since it was Father's Day I felt almost an obligation...(a sense of duty, if I may) to allow Jesse to change this diaper.  I was busy with breakfast and casually asked if he wouldn't mind changing her.....and of course the "OH MY" that came from Jesse's mouth was just enough to humor me throughout the morning!  Happy Father's Day....from Payton!

Later we set the water slide up and the boys were busy playing.  I also set Payton's baby pool up and put it close to our feet.  She came out after her nap and crawled right in with her clothes and diaper on.  I pulled all this off of her and just left her naked for a few minutes.  She was climbing in and out of the pool and we heard this loud poot.  We started laughing until we looked down and saw a pile of corn at our feet......so much for just a poot!  I have to say it made us laugh a little harder...and no I will not post a picture of that!

Father's Day

The other day the Red's were sitting with Jesse watching t.v. when a commercial came on with a lady shaving her legs.  She wasn't just shaving her legs she was using spray on hair remover.  The boys both seemed real interested and were watching intently.  The commercial was explaining how easy it was with this product to get rid of unwanted hair.  During the product plug, Eli looks over at Jesse (who is a very hairy manly man)and says "Daddy, you really need this " and Andrew agreed quickly.  So of course for Father's Day I just couldn't refuse to get Jesse what the boys wanted!  He was very excited!

Sissy's Help

The other day while setting up Andrew's party I was busy trying my best to hang spider webs around the room and Payton was busy...just busy!  She was walking around the room pulling stuff over and getting into everything.  Then I noticed her going under the table and climbing up on top of the leg of the table.  She then pulled herself up into the chair and turned around and pulled herself up on the table.  I have to say I was quite amazed that she figured that one out!  Once she was up there she threw everything she could reach off the table!  Thanks Sissy for all your help!

Eli the Karate Kid

T-ball is over and after being hit in the neck with a baseball Eli has now decided that he does not like it any longer.  After going through the "middle child" crisis here lately I thought it would be a good idea to sign Eli up for something just for him.  He really loves the Ninja Turtles so I figured he would like to take Karate or Tae Kwon Do.  I signed him up and Jesse took him to his first private lesson.  He will get 2-3 private lessons before joining a class.  Anyways, here's what happened:
Jesse arrived with Eli crying his eyes out and repeating over and over that he wanted to go home.  Jesse was thinking that this was a bad idea and was waiting to just say "I told you so".  After finishing the sign up sheet the instructor came over and got Eli and took him to a private room with Jesse.  After a few minutes Eli was loving it! He was doing the kicks and punches and getting into it.  Then the instructor tells Eli that they are going to do a concentration drill.  He shows Eli how to do it.....You stand straight up, hands to the side and look straight ahead without moving.  Jesse said Eli cocked his head to the side and looked at the guy like he was nuts.  So Eli mimicked him standing straight and looking dead ahead.  After a few seconds though Eli got bored and started to move a little...the instructor immediately said Eli....concentrate.  Eli straightened back up for a few seconds and then started raising his hands above his head turning around a little and the instructor again says Eli...concentrate.  Eli again cocks his head to the side and looks up at him and says "but I don't know how"!  HA!  I just love that boy!

Big Red's 6th Birthday

On June 13, 2004 we welcomed our first son "Andrew" into the world.  He didn't come quietly and in fact the way he decided to come has been the theme of his life...traumatizing!

I am so very thankful and blessed that God granted Jesse and I the opportunity to raise this little guy, but he has put more wrinkles on my face than I care to count (I would have said grey hairs, but I have it high lighted so much that I couldn't tell you if they were there or not)! 

On the day he was born six years ago I was just a mere 7 1/2 months pregnant.  We were visiting Jesse's brother in North Alabama and had decided that this would be the last trip we would take (trying to be careful) before the baby was born.  It was Saturday night around 10:30 when I leaned over my suit case and felt a trickle down my leg.  My first thought was that I had just peed on myself and I was a little embarrassed.  It was when it kept trickling that I became a little nervous.  I leaned my head out the bedroom door and asked Jesse to come here.  He was in the middle of watching a movie and kind of blew me off.  He wasn't happy that I had drug him away and when I told him what happened he replied with a "Joy, you just peed on yourself".  I wasn't so sure so we went to ask Melissa my sister in law her opinion.  When she wasn't sure either we thought it best to call the doctor.  They wanted me to get to the hospital asap......but I was 2 hours away!  They sent me to the closest hospital and when we arrived it was confirmed that my water had broken!  I was put on some horrible medicine to stop the contractions and put in an ambulance to take me to Birmingham.  Jesse jumped in the car and followed.  When we arrived the doctor said that we would be having a baby that day.  We were more than freaked out since Andrew was so premature.  At 1:30 on June 13th, Andrew popped out with a head full of red hair, weighing in at 3lbs 15 oz (a lot bigger than they expected) and was whisked away to the NICU.  I saw him for only an instant and he was already in the incubator.  I don't know what was worse for me....the moments right after he was born and I had no baby to hold, or the moment we left the hospital with no baby in the car seat.  Two weeks passed before I even had the chance to hold my little man and that was only while the nurse changed his sheets.  It was around 3-4 weeks before we were actually allowed to hold him and rock him.  After 2 months in the NICU Andrew was released with an almost clean bill of health.  While in the NICU they discovered that he had a rare syndrome called Beckwith Wiedemann.  This is one of the reasons he came early and also why he was bigger than they expected.  Beckwith babies are usually a little larger, have very large tongues, low blood sugar and have a tendency to develop Whelms tumors in the abdomen, plus a few other side effects.  Andrew was lucky and grew into his tongue without having to have a surgery to reduce the size and also the low blood sugar corrected itself after infancy.  The Whelms Tumors we keep a check on with ultrasounds and blood work every 3 months until the age of 10. 

In the 6 years of his life he has overcome being born 10 weeks early, Beckwith Wiedemann Syndrome, falling out a second story window (a story for a later date), Kawasaki's Disease and a splinter (read earlier post)!  Not to mention numerous black eyes and two sets of stitches.  He has enriched our lives more than I can put into words and I am so thankful to call Big Red my son!  He is so very special and I can't wait to see what plans God has for him in the future.  He has already touched so many lives in the 6 years he's been here.  I love you Big Red and I am so proud to be your Momma!

Bathroom Break

I really don't understand what it is about bathrooms or bathroom humor, but my boys are all about it.  I have three different stories I'd like to share.  One happened a while back and the other two happened this past weekend that reminded me of the other one.  Hope you all enjoy.....

We make the trip down to Birmingham a few times a year and we always seem to stop at the same places.  Nashville is a good place to take a potty break because it is almost halfway.  Right outside of Nashville there is this truck stop that we always stop at.  Don't ask me why...it's not planned....it just happens.  A while back I was making one of these trips by myself (pre-Payton) and we stopped off at the old faithful truck stop.  I take the boys by the hand and lead them into the bathroom with me.  We always go into the largest stall, because 3 people just don't fit into a regular one well.  Andrew and Eli immediately pull down their pants and each of them start peeing in the potty. Try and picture this:  Andrew is standing at the front of the potty and Eli is standing on the side and both are peeing.  Eli overshoots the toilet and his pee stream is hitting the side wall.  I startled him and said Eli aim in the potty...when I said this his stream of pee went from the wall to the floor and onto the lady's foot who was in the stall next to us...I was mortified!  We scurried out as fast as we could to avoid that confrontation!

This past week we made the trip down again.  It was just me with all three kids so I stopped off at the last exit in KY.  This one was a rather nice truck stop that has bathroom stalls with walls and doors all the way to the floor.  The only problem is that they don't have a large stall.  I sent the boys in one and I tried my best to hold Payton and pee at the same time....interesting is all I have to say!  That's not my story, I just thought you guys would find it humorous thinking about me holding the baby and trying to pull my pants down to pee.

Okay.....back to the real story.....

So mom had cooked breakfast on Saturday morning and Stephen my brother had come over to eat with us.  He walks in and my boys attack!  The "Red's" love to fight with their Uncle Stephen!  So after a few minutes Stephen tells them that he has to go potty.  The "Red's" both look at each other and then to Uncle Stephen and announce..."we have to go too".  So Stephen let the boys go first...again in the same fashion as I mention earlier... Andrew in front and Eli on the side.  After they were finished he says "okay, it's my turn", and tries to get them to leave.  They make it to the door and Stephen starts his business.  The "Red's" then decide it will be funny to cut the lights on and off as fast as they can...then they just left them off.  The 1/2 bath in mom and dad's house does not have a window so it is now pitch black and Stephen is trying his best to pee....in the dark.  Then they run up behind him and start spanking his booty making Stephen wet mom's back wall!  Gotta love those boys!

Sunday we started our trip back and just like normal we manage to stop off at our regular truck stop.  I take the boys in to pee and we walk in the bathroom Eli leading, Andrew behind him and I am bringing up the rear.  Before I can get my hands on them  Eli walks right back to the large stall and pushes the door open.  Only the stall was not empty....there was an older woman on the pot and now the door is wide open.  Eli did nothing..he just stood there with Andrew right beside him staring down this woman.  I could see her trying her best to reach the door as she was sitting on the potty...but it was just out of reach.  I didn't want to embarrass her any longer so I lean forward trying to reach the door without seeing her and it's just out of my reach..all the time saying "Eli shut the door...Eli SHUT THE DOOR..ELI".  Finally I manage to reach over grab the door and pull it apologizing profusely as I do so.  I quickly pull them into a smaller stall and get the heck out of there!  Gotta love those boys!

Special Ointment

The last day of school was on Tuesday so I decided to load all the kids (and both dogs..yes I'm crazy) up and head to Grandma and Grandman's house.  We love to come down during the summer because they live on a lake and we can swim and just relax!  The only down side to coming to Alabama is the fire ants!  It has been so wonderful living in Louisville where there are no fire ants to worry with.  But in Birmingham they are everywhere and deliver a sting like a wasp.  Then they leave a nice lump behind that itches for days like a mosquito bite.  Andrew is just the slightest bit allergic to them.  His bites usually swell up a good portion the the area he was bitten in and leave a hard knot behind. 

When we arrived down here on Tuesday afternoon my first words upon walking up to the door was: "boys, do NOT get into the fire ant beds".  A little while later the boys were in the front yard playing and they started poking sticks at this one:

I again tell them that they better stay away because they will get stung.  To this Andrew and Eli laugh and say "we already did, and it didn't hurt".  I remind Andrew that he is allergic and that his foot will now swell up and itch......and he responds: "I don't care".  "Alright then.....we shall see, just remember mommy told you so".  Everything is alright until later that evening when the itching really kicks in.  Eli's bite seems to be just fine, but just as I suspected....Andrew's is giving him fits!  He begs for some medicine and Grandman goes off to find something to put on it.  I was in the other room and didn't realize what my crazy father had gotten until later.  This morning my dad leans over and picks up a tube of medicine and hands it to me snickering.  He says "this is what I used to put on Andrew's bite....I think I will wait until he's older to tell him what I did".  My dad has always been a prankster....always!

So when I looked down to the tub of medicine in my hand this is what I found:

Yes...that's right, he put Monistat on my son's foot!