How To Get Things Done

You could say that I am the smartest woman on earth......or the biggest klutz on earth, but I'm leaning more toward the beginning part of this sentence.

On Saturday I began cleaning the house like a mad woman, all the nook and crannies.  Not sure why, but I just started finding "spots" that I didn't like so one thing led to the next.  My eyes landed on my kitchen sink faucet and to a nastiness that had taken up residence between the faucet handle and the base.  So I got my heavy duty cleaners out and began scrubbing.  Not satisfied that I couldn't get to it all, I made the decision to unscrew the faucet handle and really give it a good scrubbing.
However, when I unscrewed the handle it just popped off.  Upon further inspection I realized that I had just broken a key piece in this faucet...*OOPS*! 

I am well known for my "accidents" around the house, so I called Jesse (cause he was out playing) and told him this:  "Hi honey.....you know when I decide to do something that I have good intentions for and somehow I end up making a mess of things.......well....I broke the kitchen faucet....so you'll need to stop by Lowe's and pick up a new one.....and install it today....okay, love you, bye".
I could hear him chuckling on the other end of the phone, because he thinks my "accidents" are quite funny.  Just like the 3 different times I knocked the mail box over while mowing (yes, I mow, I like to mow...it gives me a good base tan for the summer...and yes I wear sunscreen)!
Later that afternoon in walks Jesse with my new faucet!  He pulls out his plumbing box and gets his plumber pants on (that's code for butt crack) and gets to work.  After a few minutes I had my new and improved faucet installed and ready to go.

He's not mad...this is just his "tough guy" face : )

Eli wanted to help with the installation!

Now......do you believe that I am a klutz and break things on "accident" or would you like to believe I know how to get things done.
Somehow I have a feeling that my stove, and bathroom tile might be subject to my "accidents" real soon.  I'm even thinking of letting Sissy Lou and the Red's in on the action to have some "accidents" of their own with the walls....they sure do need to be painted again.....
Those honey do list are too boring....try to liven it up a little and have a few "accidents" on your own ; )

I really am the biggest klutz...I just had to make myself look smarter than I really am :)

Ballet???

Eli's kindergarten class will be attending the Ballet tomorrow for their field trip.  They were suppose to go in December to see the Nutcracker but we got snowed out.  So to make up for that missed trip they will now be seeing Coppelia.
I have assigned myself as a chaperon for this trip and I have to say I am pretty excited. 
I had the most awesome experience to perform with the Alabama ballet in the Merry Widow Opera when I was in College.  Singing wise...not dancing and background at that, but it still was so amazing to be part of such an amazing production.  I had a wig, costume and a "short" dancing scene with a lead character *gasp*!  Here's just a quick peek at what my outfit looked like...wig, makeup and ballgown.  Scene was set for Paris early 1900's.

This totally isn't what this blog was about, but I digressed!  Any who....Eli is so excited and the ballet has been all he could talk about since he got home from school.  He even helped me pick out his "handsome" outfit to wear and then questioned me on my attire.  So I let him also help and meet his approval with what I am going to be wearing.  At first he didn't like what I had picked and asked me if I had a princess dress to wear : )
Then he looks at my shoes and notices a pair flats that resemble ballet shoes (I guess).  He picked them up with such excitement and said "Mom, this is what the ballet people wear". 
From there he followed me from room to room explaining things about the ballet to me *chuckle*...it was very cute and amusing.  They have really been discussing this a lot in class so they would know what to expect.
Next he started with the ballet dance moves and had to show me each one.  He jumped up in the air and turned around and said "see mom, they do the Mario move".  It was then that he said it....what every Mother/Father....um......never wants to hear......
"Mom, am I the best ballet dancer you've ever seen?"
So I swallowed my pride and answered: "yes son,.......just don't tell your daddy".  ; )
So here he is my handsome ballet dancer:

Up on his toes and everything! Hopefully I'll get a story out of this field trip tomorrow! 

Tornado!!!!!!

SO...we received a phone call at 5 a.m. with "emergency" lighting up in the caller id.  Jesse stumbled to grab the phone and when he picked it up he was greeted with a message from the weather center announcing that we were under a tornado warning and need to seek shelter asap!
I sat up and turned on the the TV to see what was happening and saw that indeed there were multiple sighting of tornado's all around us *YIKES*!
So we got up, grabbed a flash light, cell phones and the kids (okay, I grabbed diapers and wipes too...plus a sippy & blanket), and we headed to the basement.
The kids were so groggy that they didn't know what was happening until they saw the lightening and heard the thunder.  We turned on the television downstairs to see the weather and when they said "tornado" the Red's start freaking out!  I mean, question after question after question!  "Is the tornado going to get us?", "Is the thunder the tornado?", "Is the tornado going to take our roof off?", "what is a tornado?". 
Then the weather man reported that there had been a tornado in the town right next to ours that is literally 2 miles from our house...freaky, freaky.  In the next county over, which is about 10 miles down the road, there was a house that was flattened by an F3! 
Finally the storm passed and we were able to return to our bed (plus a few kids), but I couldn't sleep.  My mind was racing, thinking back to the last time I had to "take cover".  You see I am no stranger to tornado's.  I grew up in Alabama where it's ranked to be the state with "highest percentage of tornadoes rated as of significant intensity" (tornadochaser.net). 
And on April 8, 1998 that percentage turned out to be true as an F5 tornado ripped through the middle of the state.  The towns in it's path were Oak Grove, Sylvan Springs (where I lived), and Edge water  leaving a path of destruction 19 to 20 miles long in it's wake.  It looked like a bomb exploded....homes were completely demolished, people I knew lost everything.  I had a friend that lived just down the street that I grew up with and their house was completely wiped out.  They only survived because they went into the crawl space under the house.  We were about 10 houses down from where this tornado ripped through and were thankfully left untouched. 
I happened to be at a friends house that night and was right in the path of this devastating storm.  Luckily they had a storm shelter that we took refuge in and all I can remember is complete silence followed by the loudest roaring sound I've ever heard.  Then the shelter's door began to shake and we all coward low.  After what seemed to be an eternity the winds finally calmed and we climbed out.  My dad was so worried about me that he drove through all the destruction to get me.  On the way home I got a first hand glimpse of the "aftermath" of this F5.  There were people wandering the street in utter shock, debris was everywhere and the town I grew up in was unrecognizable.
The military was brought in and I had to show my license everyday just to get home!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5xMESViHKs&feature=related

It is unreal the damage these storms can do!  So please make sure you have your "safe place" and be prepared and BE SAFE!!!  This is an event that I would never like to experience again!

I didn't think the weather could be so bad here in Louisville, but in the 5 years we've lived here we've experience a hurricane (weird I know), a devastating ice storm, an earthquake (again, weird)....and now a tornado....and let's not  talk about the allergies they are a catastrophe on their own!
I would like to know if there is a state I could move too where I could avoid any natural catastrophe?

Jewelry Sabotager

I tell you.....I have been in the muck knee deep around here.  Some sort of bleak, blah-ness, rainy, cold, non-inspiring stuff, surrounded by sickness, place..ugg!
I realized the other night that all my blogs are sort of redundant, repeating the same sort of happenings with different things.  Like for instance:  Sissy Lou did ________, or The Red's said _________, or Jesse....well Jesse's just funny (in the head)!
However, the thought entered my mind that, that is exactly what I started this blog for in the first place.  I mean.....it's suppose to be about the "what's next" of our family....no matter how redundant, since we seem to be "that" family that EVERYTHING happens to!  With that being said I would like to now get to the "what's next" part of this story.....which is another Sissy Lou did______!

I have this very lovely jewelry case that my father bought me years ago.  It's beautiful and plenty big enough to hold all my jewelry.

Along with my shoe addiction I have a jewelry addiction....but not the real, cost a lot, shiny gold, lots of diamonds type of jewelry.  Nope, I LOVE costume jewelry....just love it and I LOVE to accessorize.  Okay, don't get me wrong, I'll take the real, cost a lot, shiny gold, with lots of diamonds type anytime, but the bulkiness of the costume world just overwhelms me....it's like a magnet to me.  With that being said my jewelry box is nearly filled.

Since I have been knee deep lately, taking care of Andrew and Jesse all the while being the "single mother" of the week, taking care of the house, etc.... Sissy Lou has felt a little deprived.  So she has taken matters into her own hands to get noticed.....by raiding my jewelry box!

The other night while running from bathroom to bathroom trying to get the Red's ready for bed, Sissy Lou slipped quietly in our room (we call her the sniper because she always strikes without you knowing) and SABOTAGED my JEWELRY!  There were beads everywhere, and broken necklaces just lying around.  8 necklaces to be exact....these are just the fragments of what is left.

I slid to the floor and wept for a while for my fallen, beautiful pieces that were no more......okay, I'm kidding about that last part, but it did break my heart....just a little. She stripped one side of my jewelry case almost completely!

Good thing it was just the fake stuff...I have always stashed my finer pieces in another place where little sticky hands can't reach!  I learned that lesson back when Eli was little...I seem to have a reoccurring theme, except he was more into my bracelets!

So if any of you know a good "costume" jewelry fixer, I would love to know who to call!

Little Treasure's Kid Sale

I have got to say that this time of year is one of my favorites.  Maybe it's the good deals, or shopping, shopping, shopping, or both, but I LOVE "LITTLE TREASURE'S CONSIGNMENT SALE".

Every year they host a sale twice, once for the spring/summer stuff and then once again for the fall/winter stuff.  I guess you can already imagine that it's time for the spring/summer sale ; )
For the past 4-5 years I have been attending this sale and I have found some amazing stuff.  Things that you can't find in the store like: Ninja Turtle Figurines, or Care Bears.  I'm telling you that they have it all!
Last year I purchased a beautiful Strasburg dress for Sissy Lou for $5.00 that was only worn once!!!!
I have also made it out the door with some awesome designer clothes for her like: Tea Collection, Baby Nay, Baby Lulu, Cach Cach, Petit Ami, Amanda Remembered, Peachs n' Cream, & Ralph Lauren etc....
Lot's of boy stuff as well...but that never gets me as excited as the girl clothes!
And did I mention the SHOES!!!! OH HEAVEN'S the SHOES are galore....baskets and baskets of shoes spilling over in every size...

I get so excited before the sale begins that I have a hard time sleeping...I know I'm sick....but if you could take a glimpse of this sale and what it has to offer, you (my fellow shopaholics) would understand! It kindof feeds my addiction in a not so break the bank sort of way....and for that it makes Jesse happy!
If you live in the Louisville/Southern Indiana area and you have never attended this sale and you have kids (that's a big one) then you need to check it out!  You will not be disappointed....you WILL be overwhelmed...in a good way!
http://www.littletreasuressale.com/louisville/index.php

You will find:  books, toys, baby stuff, strollers, car seats, bikes, high chairs, pack n' plays, bumbo seats galore, clothes, shoes, bedding...you name it and they have it!  And most of the stuff is brand new/slightly used!

The sale starts Wednesday Feb 23 from 9am-9pm and runs through March 6th.  It is located in the former Circuit city building 4600 Shelbyville Rd.  just North of the mall of St. Matthews.
The best deals usually get grabbed first, so try to get there close to opening day as you can.  They also have a restock day later  so that's a good time also.
Happy deal shopping..hope to see you there!!! 

My Mii

While driving to church the other day Andrew informs me that he and Eli have made a Mii for Mommy.  I have to say curiousity got the best of me so I asked: "oh really, what does it look like?"
Andrew replied: "Eli made you fat"
Shocked Mommy: "What? FAT?"
Andrew: "but it's okay Mom, we gave you great hair"

Thanks boys....that makes it all better....great hair!  Nothing like a 5 and 6 year old to boost your self esteem!

Sorry about the quaility of the picture.....taking a picture of the tv screen!

Don't forget to enter into the GIVEAWAY!!!
http://thesargeof4.blogspot.com/2011/02/great-street-music-giveaway.html

Things That Irk Me!

Okay, since I have been getting a lot of comments lately about how calm of a person I am...and how I just let all the things my kids do roll off my back...I thought I'd share some of my quirkiness with you.  Things that irk me....make me grit my teeth, have knots in my stomach, make my skin crawl, and even make my head spin around (like the movie)!
Please don't hold my craziness against me in the future!

Alright here it goes...and these are just a few...didn't want to overwhelm you all at once.

I'm taking a deep breath now:

*Having to find the sheets that have been shoved to the end of the bed every morning by the Red's.  See my previous blog for pictures! How they manage to do this is beyond me, but every morning after they leave for school, i go in to make their beds and find the sheets at the very bottom of the bed underneath the comforter. Jesse says I should not go to the trouble of putting a top sheet on the bed..I disagree.  I am a big believer of the whole fitted sheet and top sheet deal...they go together like salt and pepper shakers.....you must not separate.  The Red's just need to learn how to sleep with the sheet.  Which brings me to my next irk.

*Top sheet must be folded over comforter while sleeping...cannot handle the comfortable touching my face or the sheets just being waded under your chin (Jesse).  They must be folded in an orderly fashion and laid gently on top of the comforter.  Then you may pull the covers up to cover you.  Yes I know it sounds a bit nuts...but this one I get from my mother.  Jesse on the other hand sleeps with a mess of blankets...oh I must move on, I'm getting upset just thinking about it ; )

*After washing, washing, washing, and folding, folding, folding.....going to put the clothes away in drawers and finding the drawers looking like a jumbled mess and then having to refold and organize that drawer! Eli is the culprit for this one!  He will dump his entire drawer of jammies out just to find his Transformers pair.  Then he just throws all the others back in the drawer.  This wouldn't bother me so much if those stinkin' jammers didn't take the longest to fold!

*Someone (Jesse) walking on my fresh mopped and or swept floor with their (Jesse) hunting boots, dragging in mud, dirt, ice/salt or duck and goose feathers..ARG...this one is the one that makes my head spin. And while we're on the subject of shoes....

*Shoes being left randomly around the house.....Seriously, is it that hard to walk to the closet and put your shoes up?  I do it, why can't you?  I think I pick up at least three pairs of shoes a day of Jesse's....come on already...the Red's even put their shoes away!  I do love my husband I promise!

*Okay, last one!  Whenever you are on the potty and you use the last bit of toilet paper...PLEASE PUT A NEW ROLL ON!!!!!!!  Nothing like having to pee so bad and noticing that there is NO TOILET PAPER! 

There it is, all wrapped in a nice little bow for you all this morning...my craziness...hope you all enjoyed the view inside my not so clam self!
I think I will write a sequel to this called "My Quirks", because it seems like I have a lot more quirks than irks!

Care to share what irks you?  In the comment section below tell me something that makes your head spin, skin crawl or teeth grit!  What is the one thing that gets on your nerves more than anything else?

Shoeaholic

Hello, my name is Joy "The Sarge" and I'm a shopaholic.  To be more precise I'm a shoeaholic and I've passed my sickness to my daughter. 
There is something about shoes that just makes my heart skip a beat.  I LOVE them....the smell of them, the cuteness of them, the way they make me feel....yes I know I have a problem!
If I'm having a bad day, there's nothing better than a new pair of cute shoes (that I have absolutely nothing to wear with) to make me feel better.
When I was packing up my things before I got married Jesse and I counted how many pairs of shoes I owned....and it was well over 100.  Acknowledging my addiction, Jesse made the deal that for every new pair of shoes I bought I had to get rid of an old pair.
See compromise does work in a marriage...a little give and take.  I think he knew he would never win the shoe battle so it was best to join forces with the shoe queen.
My daughter has developed a love for shoes as well.  She will go to her closet and try on her shoes all day long!  I am very sad to say that she has at least 20 pair already, but they are so stinking CUTE! 
All you ladies out there know that each outfit requires a different shoe.  You have your black, brown, bone, & navy dress shoe (and red if you are feeling a little feisty).  Black and brown boots (can't mix colors), then you add in your sandal colors, flats and strappy shoes.  Not to mention the tennis shoes, rain boots, snow shoes, etc......they add up quickly!
On the other hand a mans closet requires: a pair of brown and black dress shoes, tennis shoes, and loafers.....no wonder they are so moody!  If they only knew how happy needless shoes would make them feel.  Maybe I should get Jesse a bright red pair of tennis shoes to send him to his happy spot.....or maybe not!
These are just a few of the recent pairs I have purchased for Sissy Lou and myself....enjoy...we are : )

There is no hope for us!!!!!  We are just trying to stimulate the economy by any means necessary!  Just think of the shoe factory, or the shoe designers we have kept in business....whew...now I feel a little better!  For a minute there I was feeling a little guilty about my addiction.....close one!

Just My Luck.....

All's fair....Jesse said I had to blog this because I always pick on him.  So here's another "just my luck" moment of mine.
Jesse's company host a Holiday party every year to say a big thank you for all the hard work.  I always look forward to this event because it's my one time a year that I get to dress up and look all fancy.  This year I happened upon my dress early and just fell in love

The picture just doesn't do it justice!

(*Warning*  for some the information below might be TMI....but necessary for the story.)

A few months ago I decided to get back on birth control (I know TMI), and as all the women that are reading this right now know.....Birth Control can screw with your hormones...BIG TIME!  I'm extremely sensitive to medication anyways and birth control is no different...let's just say that my body/face reacts in one way....it lights up like a Christmas tree...BREAK OUTS galore!

I am a 31 year old woman with acne...nice right!  So because this elegant event was coming in less than 2 weeks I decided to take matters into my own hands.  The only way to get my skin clear in time was to start tanning.

I do not tan, I have not tanned in a bed for over 5 years.....I am what people like to refer to as "fair" skinned!

So I hopped on down to the tanning salon and purchased my package.  Knowing how fair skin I am I decided to just do 10 minutes the first session.  After I was done I noticed that I was just slightly red on my belly.

The next day all was fine, no redness...so only having 9 more days that I could tan, I made a quick (and bad) decision to head back down there and tan again.  This time I thought I would just tan 5-8 minutes.  I told the girl behind the desk that I got a little pink the day before and what bed I was in.  She suggested that I use their bronzer bed instead since I was only going for 8 minutes.  She said....it doesn't burn you...it just tans you....no UV lights. 

Cool....bronzer bed...I'm in!  So after my 8 minutes I headed back home.....only when I undressed I looked something like this:

"You don't burn"....my buttocks she's a LIAR!

I'm not joking either...it's been two days and I still look like that stupid lobster!  So much for tanning anymore...I'M BURNT....BEAT RED...and we all know what this means...I'M GOING TO PEEL!!!! 

I called Jesse into the bathroom and showed him and he fell over laughing...Thanks for all your support Jesse!

Now, I would show you a picture of my belly, but I feel like that would be crossing a line and make you and I feel very uncomfortable.  So for all our sakes if you would like a mental picture find the reddest piece of paper you can find and hold it up to your own belly....there you have the picture!

Oh well....that's my luck....beautiful elegant evening in a strapless dress while MOULTING....Should be a blast!

A Day At The Farm!

On Sunday we decided to take a drive out to one of the farms Jesse hunts to check on the ponds.  Thanksgiving day is opening season for duck hunting around here and most of the ponds are low.  Jesse wanted to check out the prime locations to see how they were doing.  So I gathered all our gear (boots and camera) and headed out the door. 
When we arrived Jesse pulls up to gate and says "you're going to have to open a few gates for us to drive through". 
Something happened at this very moment that I like to refer to as a brain fart.  You know when you just can't get your brain in gear....like it's working a good minute behind you.  A task so simple all of a sudden becomes mind boggling......
I look at him and say "well, how am I suppose to get through the fence?"...and with a chuckle and a smirk wide across his face Jesse looks at me and says "I guess you will have to do some problem solving".

So with my brain still working a good minute behind, I jump out of the truck, walk over to the fence, unlatch it, watch Jesse drive through, and then I shut the gate behind him.  Only problem is that I am still on the opposite side....so I did what he told me too...I problem solved by climbing the fence....BRAIN FART!

Yes, yes I realized as I was in mid straddle that I could have just walked through the gate and closed it on the other side....but I was already half way over and committed! 

I hung my head low because I knew the minute I got back in the car the blow was coming.  So I swung open the door and before I could be made fun of, I made fun of myself (best defense ever)!  Jesse was doubled over laughing with disbelief at what he had just witnessed! His pour blond wifey!

We managed to press on and drive up to the next gate (which I mastered)

but there was something blocking the road:

and they weren't budging!  Finally after honking and driving up close to them they started to dis ban! 

It was at this point that I turned around to realize that I had indeed forgot something...something very important!  ELI IS TERRIFIED OF COWS!  Don't ask me why...but they freak him out!  At least he didn't do the ugly cry......so I urged Jesse to move on quickly!

We arrived at the desired pond only to realize that it was down about 3 feet. 

We jumped out of the car and the kids (including Jesse) strapped on their boots.  I grabbed my camera and we walked down to the waters edge.  Eli ran ahead with Jesse, but Andrew stayed with me and became fascinated with a very large stick. 

He stuck it in the water and stepped forward to smush it down good.  This is about the point that he realized that his right foot was STUCK! 

 Being the good mom that I am I began snapping away pictures.  He turns and says "mom, I'm really stuck"...so I should have put the camera down to help right?  Well I didn't because I was too busy CRYING LAUGHING!!!  The harder he tried to release his foot the more he got stuck.  Then he completely lost his balance and made a huge step with his left foot and was now lodged in the muck almost doing the splits!  

So did I help....nope, I couldn't see because of the tears and snot laugh that had taken over my body!

When I went to help him out finally I noticed one thing...guess who forgot their boots...ME!  It was only when the mud started seeping through my shoes that I realized my error!

So because Andrew looked like this:

I made him stripe before getting into the car.....I mean come on....I know what that mud is....cow poop!

He's going to kill me for these pictures one day!
So that sums up our day at the farm...brain farts, gates, fear of cows, mud sinking and of course SNOT LAUGHING!!!!

The Itsy Bitsy Spider

Yesterday I made a trip across town to go and pick out our new mattress.  To get to this place I had to go through an extremely busy part of town on the interstate.  This section of roadway is usually jammed up with tons of semi's and the road just seems a bit narrow.  I'm saying all this to explain how important the need to pay attention is especially in this section. 
Payton was chillin' in the back and we were on our way when all of a sudden this furry eight eyed monster  appears out of no where...ON MY STEERING WHEEL!  Generally I am not the one with the acrophobia...that is usually left up to Jesse.  He hates spiders and nothing gives me more joy than to hear him squeal like a girl when one gets near him.  Unfortunately on this day it was me that was doing the squealing!
I looked down and saw this creepy brown spider (that I convinced myself was a brown recluse) and my stomach sunk.  I felt helpless and immediately broke out in a cold sweat.  I had that sinking feeling in my belly and I panicked!  I was on the worst section of interstate and stuck between two semi's.  There was no where to go...I was...trapped...by two trucks and a spider!

FYI: This is not the spider in question...and may be a smidge smaller

I decided to grab a napkin and try to squish it before it could get me.  Probably not the best decision while driving but I was desperate!  So I reached up and went for the monster......and it disappeared...it was not in my napkin and not on the steering wheel.  Now I was really freaking out....WHERE DID IT GO....NOW I'VE JUST MADE IT MAD.....IT'S GOING TO GET ME!
I saw an exit ramp just ahead and thought it would be best for me to pull over and finish this battle once and for all before I crashed. I could just hear the report now: "Woman freaks out over spider on steering wheel causing a massive pile up on HWY 264".
As I pulled off the exit I was immediately aware that this was probably not the best part of town.  So I could die by spider or gun fire......and I chose gun fire.....the spider had to DIE!
I jumped out of the car and started searching for the little booger....Oh, I mean HUGE, GINORMOUS, MAD EATING TARANTULA.  It had fallen down to the floor mat and that is where he met his maker....smashed with the bottom of my shoe. 
BLAH.....It still makes me a little sick thinking about it...*shiver*!


Courtesy of my dear friend Wendie Gabbard:
Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the steering wheel.
Down glanced poor Joy and gave her best girl squeal.
Squeal went the tires and the door flew open wide.
And the itsy bitsy spider ... was flung under a semi and died.

Jerky Anyone?

Ever since I was a little girl all I can remember from long trips is...snacks!  If we stopped anywhere for gas it meant we were getting snacks...and I loved this little tradition we had.  My favorite snack to get was beef jerky, probably because my older brothers always got it and I wanted to be just like them.  Anyways, as I got older the tradition still reigned.  Every trip meant snacks and for me that meant beef jerky.
My family had another tradition also and that was being pranksters.  My dad was the world's worst at pulling pranks on others.....my brothers followed his lead and like I said if my brothers did it, then I did it.
I guess I was around twelve or so and we were traveling to Georgia to visit my grandparents.  As always we stopped for gas and I decided that I wanted.......jerky.  Only when I went into the store they didn't have any, so I bought something else and headed out to the car.
At the time I had this little poodle named Buffy.  I loved that dog more than anything and I bought her, her very own dog jerky. 
Dad always liked to munch on things in the car and asked if he could have some of the jerky I bought.  Mom chimed in and wanted a piece also.  Well instead of telling them I didn't have any, I decided to give them a piece of.......you guessed it, DOG JERKY!  I handed them each a piece and they put it in their mouth.  I was so tickled that I couldn't stop laughing....I mean I was snot laughing...and mom couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.  Then it dawned on her and she started spitting out the dog jerky as fast as she could. Then she said "Joy, is this the dog's jerky"......I was busted!  I was still snot laughing so hard that I couldn't answer and Dad rolled down his window spitting chunks of his dog jerky out.
We still laugh about that, and in fact my brothers ask my parents often if they have had any jerky lately!

"Will Fall For Blog"

It seems as if I would do anything for a blog post these days!
I know you all are just dying to hear the story of what happened to me yesterday!  So without further ado, here it is:
Tuesdays are always busy days for me.  Payton has her Mother's day out while I have Bible study and volunteer at the school.  This Tuesday was even more filled because I had a plumber coming and Jesse was leaving for North Dakota for his 10 day trip. 
The plumber was scheduled for 8:30 in the morning to install our new dishwasher.  I figured he would be finished in plenty of time for me to at least catch the 2nd half of my Bible study.  I decided to wait to take Payton until they were done.  Problem is they didn't finish until 10:45 and my Bible study finishes at 11:30.  It was already too late to take Payton as well so I figured I would just run what errands I had and then head to the school. 

I gathered my things, put the dogs up and headed out the door.  I was carrying Payton and I always try to be careful going down the stairs, because I am a bit of a klutz.  I made it to the bottom of the stairs and missed the last step.

I did make it to the ground with my foot but rolled my ankle in the process.  In slow motion I went  down and as I was going down I managed to sit Payton down on her bottom ....it wasn't a gentle sit down, but she did not fall with me.  As soon as I landed I screamed out in pain.....I was sure I had just broken my ankle.

Picture this:  I'm lying in the garage floor, leg up in the air and me grasping my ankle screaming...it hurt people....really, it did!  Payton's crying because I just scared the mess out of her and my stuff is scattered across the floor.  I grabbed my phone and called Jesse...no answer....again, called Jesse...no answer...again, called Jesse and he finally picked up and this is what I said: "I THINK I JUST BROKE MY ANKLE".  I think he heard the desperation in my voice and he said "I'm on my way". 

I regained my composure and sent Payton crawling up the stairs in front of me while I hopped/dragged myself up the stairs.  When I got the the landing I then sat down and drug myself through the house....yes drug.  I couldn't move my foot and it was hurting so bad I couldn't put pressure on it.  I finally get myself over to the couch and situated to wait for Jesse.  But falling isn't what makes this story so funny....there are so many different little factors and this is where they begin.
As I am sitting there, still grasping my ankle which is surging in pain, Payton walks over and stops.....and then I hear it....an explosion in her pants.  A complete blow out, and I knew that I couldn't leave it because that sound...grotesque sound....was the sound of diarrhea!  So off the couch I go and I begin the dragging process of my body to the diapers and wipes.  I manage to get the diaper changed (and it was a doozie) and get back to the couch.  I get settled again and wouldn't you know it...SHE DOES IT AGAIN!!!!!!  I sat there in disbelief.....YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!  So again, I repeat the process....drag body across floor, get diaper/wipes, change Payton....but this time I just stayed down on the floor.  Luckily Jesse walks in just as I finished up.  He gets me to the car and off we go to the ER.
It is now around 12:00 and Jesse is suppose to be leaving for his trip at 3:00.  We figured there was plenty of time....no worries.  We get to the hospital and he gets out and gets me a wheel chair.  We make it inside and this is when I realize a "mini" miracle.....I ACTUALLY SHAVED MY LEGS THAT MORNING......PRAISE THE LORD!!!!! 
When we get checked in we head to the waiting room and sitting right behind us is a lady who has a severe migraine.  It was so bad in fact that she couldn't stop throwing up.  So the whole time we were sitting there, this lady is throwing up constantly and Payton is just starring her down.  Jesse gets up and goes to the car to get Payton's bag and while he is away the lady and a friend get up and go to the bathroom that is in the waiting room.  Jesse returns and wouldn't you know it....Payton explodes her pants AGAIN!  She is cutting her two bottom molars...I don't think I need to add anything to that!
So Jesse picks her up under her arms and is carrying her like she has some kind of disease.  He heads to the bathroom and before I can say anything he opens the door on the lady that has the migraine is now hovered over the toilet pucking her brains out.  Please picture Jesse standing there holding Payton out and then frozen that he just walked in on someone in the bathroom! I couldn't control my laughter....I was doubled over with tears! 
After getting Payton changed things calmed down for just a minute until Payton tripped over her foot and fell in the waiting room and hit her head...NICE!  So we have a woman sitting behind us again pucking, Payton screaming and the clock tick tocking toward 3:00. 
We finally get back to the room and they take me to x-ray.  Jesse left to pick up the Red's from school and I told him I'd call when I was done.  It is now 2:30.  At 3:00 he started calling every so often and at 4:00 he came back to the hospital.  His buddies were waiting at the house on us to return so they could leave.  Finally the doctor comes in and says "well it's not broken, but you have a severe sprain, I'm going to put you in an air cast and on crutches for the next 4-5 days.  I don't want you to put any weight on that foot and I want you to elevate it most of the day".  I looked at Jesse and he was pale, so I said..."I have 3 kids (6,5 and 1) and my husband is leaving today for North Dakota...".  He cleared me for driving and told me to stay off the foot as much as possible.  Jesse said he would stay home, but I assured him that I could handle things.
They strapped my boot on,  handed me my crutches and sent me on my way.  We pulled up and Jesse jumped in the car and left.  I was left standing in the hallway on crutches starring at 3 little monsters that were screaming they were hungry.  At that point I was was not thinking very nice thoughts about Jesse, but in all fairness I told him to go.
I tried, I really did, moving around with the crutches but after a few minutes I could tell that there was no way....absolutely no way that I was going to be able to manage my kids and use crutches at the same time.  So instead I converted the crutches to pokers.  Anytime the kids got out of line I gave them a poke....they even work great as a shepherds hook...I'm totally kidding!

I 'M A SURVIVOR!
I'm not gonna give up
I'm not gon' stop
I'm gonna work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin'

Heaven....again!

Back in February I told you guys of a conversation I had with the Red's about heaven.  I don't know why I am always the one who gets stuck with the heaven conversations, but somehow they seek me out.
Last night I was reading the Red's a Bible story. It was the parable Jesus told about the fisherman's net (Matthew 13:47-49).  It says that the fisherman fished where there were many types of fish and then they kept the good fish and tossed out the bad fish.  It goes on to say that the fisherman's net is like God's kingdom, everyone wants to be part of His kingdom but the angels will come and separate the godly people from the ungodly people. 
As soon as I read that last part Andrew perks  up ready to fire questions away, and I felt a knot in my stomach.  Jesse is so much better at handling the Red's crazy questions than I am.  I get a blank stare on my face and search deep for the "right" answers to tell them. 
So Andrew says "what's ungodly people?"
I tried to explain the best I could by saying "well, it's those who have not asked Jesus into their hearts to live forever, and those who choose not to live like Jesus everyday".
Eli says "yeah, like hitting people"
Andrew: "or bullying"
Me:  "okay, sure"
I continued reading the story, but I soon realized that our conversation would continue after I read these words: "The godly people will live in heaven with me forever".
Then I knew where their little minds were headed and I knew where the questions would aim and sure enough I was right.
Andrew: "I want to go to heaven tomorrow"
Eli starts to tear up and says with a wail "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN".....and the tears started flowing.
I tried my best to console him and reassure him that heaven is the best of the best.  It is more beautiful than we could ever imagine.
Andrew chimes in with: "yeah Eli, it will have all kinds of toy stores and you don't have to pay any money and you can get whatever you want....right mom?"
Me:  "well........it is more awesome than we can ever think"
Andrew:  "and all my girlfriends will be there"
This is where I start stumbling around
Me:  "um...sure"
Eli:  "but it won't have food and drink"
Me:  "Eli, you won't need food and drink there"
Eli:  "but I will get hungry and thirsty"
I begin looking for my exit because I see there is NO END IN SIGHT!!!!
Eli:  "what about my teacher, will she be there"
Eli:  "what about my girlfriend Macy"
Eli:  "what about Gus and Belle"
Eli:  "what about our house"
I wanted so badly just to say yes to all these questions and tell them not to worry.  That it would be a long time before we got to go to heaven, but I knew better.  We are not promised tomorrow. 
I can't say that Eli was just as fired up as Andrew, but he did calm down.
After a few more questions I told them it was time to pray (and boy, did I need to pray at this point)!  It still amazes me how fired up Andrew gets about heaven at such a young age.  At the same time my heart ached with the thought of ever loosing him (or any of them).  I had to retire myself to prayer and remind myself that even though I love these kids more than I can stand that God loves them even more and they are His first!
I found it a bit strange that Andrew (a 6 year old) would teach me a lesson.  We should ALL be just as excited about heaven as he is.  Isn't that what it's all about!

100th Post....My Most Embarrassing Moment!

Alright you guys, since it is my 100th post and you all have stuck with me thus far....and I am entirely too hard on my husband (can't help he gives good material), I thought I would share my MOST embarrassing moment!  Trust me, my hands are sweating just typing this right now.  It's only because I love you all so much, and I think that you deserve a good laugh even if it is at my expense!
So without further ado: MY MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT!
I can't believe I'm doing this!

The date was June 13th, 2004 and I was in the hospital in labor with Andrew!  My water had broken the night before at a mere 30 weeks.  After a long night of an ambulance ride and emotions running high the doctors tell us that we would have a baby that day.  An epidural was given and this is where my story begins.
As a "first timer" you have no idea what to expect.  My biggest fear was pooping on the delivery table....and what I've gathered from most of my friends it was their fear also.  I was told that with an epidural I wouldn't know exactly where I was pushing and this freaked me out more than you could imagine.

After the epidural kicked in the nurses began coming in to do the random "checks" to see how I was progressing.  We had been up all night and worried sick because Andrew was going to be so pre-mature so Jesse and I were a bit loopy.  Usually, when the nurse comes in the family/friends vacate to ensure privacy....but who are we kidding....If you've given birth you know that privacy gets thrown out the window early and everybody in God's country gets to see you in all your glory.

My luck....I ended up with a nurse that knew my family, had gone to church with my family and even high school with my brother.  This was all well and good until it was time for the "check".  How uncomfortable you feel already having a complete stranger "check" you, but a friend.....way more uncomfortable than I liked!

Since she was a friend she would come in and chat with the family.  When it came time for my next "check" my family rose to leave and she says: "it's okay, you can stay".....I agreed to my mother, sister-in-law, a girl friend and Jesse to stay...but the boys had to go.  I don't think my brother or father would have stayed anyways, but I didn't give them the opportunity....we are close...but not that close!
As privately as she could, she lifted the sheet and started to "check".  The conversation around the room was still very much alive and my epidural was...well..working!  Again, let me state.....with an epidural you cannot feel anything.....nothing...nada!  You have no idea what's going on down there and when you have someone pushing on things you can't help your body out by doing things that you would normally do....like clinch.
So she begins checking and pushing and out comes this "PPRRRTT" (that would be a pooting sound).  Not just a little quite poot...not at all...this would be a loud, interrupt the conversation of the room poot.  I was mortified, and to make matters worse Jesse is standing beside me half delirious himself and you know how tickled you get when you are overly tired.  So he begins calling me out on what had happened.  He says "Joy Richardson, did you just do that?" as he falls over himself snot laughing.  With him laughing so hard, my sister-in-law laughing, my mother laughing, my friend laughing....and yes the nurse/friend laughing, I start laughing.  The only problem is that I am still numb from my epidural so I still can't CLINCH!  So with every laugh there is a  "PRT", "PRT", "PRT", "PRT"...HAHAHHAHAHAA, "PRT", "PRT", "PRT", "PRT"...HA HA HA..."PRT", "PRT", "PRT". You get the picture.  And every time this happened the room roared with laughter.  Mortified does not explain how I felt....beet red does not describe the color of my face!!!!!!

So there you have it....My pooting labor story......I hope you relished in my embarrassment today!  There have been many other times (like everyday) that I make a fool of myself so I'm sure I'll have more you all later.  As for now, I'm done!!!!
Thanks again for continuing to read my stories!

Cub Scouts.....The New Adventure

Well It's official, Andrew is now a card carrying member of the Cub Scouts and he is fired up!  Only problem is he doesn't understand why they can't go camping at every meeting. 

Yesterday was the first official meeting with their uniforms.  Jesse informed me of this small detail the day of the meeting (ARG)!  So off I went to the Boy Scout store to pick up his uniform.  What Jesse also neglected to tell me is that there were 5 patches (FIVE) that had to be sewn onto this uniform.....guess who doesn't sew?

I know you all think I am a domestic goddess, and I try my best to live up to your expectations:

To my defense...this picture was taken after giving birth to Eli...I was still in the hospital and Jesse was extremely mean to pull the camera on me. I was so drugged up that I couldn't see straight. There you have it.....your domestic goddess! This was as small as I could possibly get this photo...I'm dying right now! The lengths I go to for you guys! Now forget you ever saw this : )

But some categories I fall short in....sewing is one of them.  I took home economics in high school and had to make a dress, but after that I retired my fingers from thimbles.

What I am good at though is out sourcing...ah hum....my tailor!

When we arrived at the store and we were givien the handful of things we needed we were also given the opportunity to buy the official boy scout pants.  Let me just tell you about these pants.....they are huge....made for mammoth children.....not my runts!  I bought the size he is currently in and headed home. 

I made a quick stopped by the tailor and begged...yes begged them to sew on these 5 (FIVE) patches for me.  They agreed because they are awesome, and I was on my way.  I picked the shirt up a few hours later and then proceeded to dress Andrew in his attire.  I put the pants on Andrew and made the quick decision to unzip them at the knees (they are the two part pants/shorts). The Pants were huge, like 3 sizes too big.  Only when I unzipped them to make them shorts it looked like he was wearing pants...HUH!

So I sent my cute little tiger cub to his first official uniform wearing meeting looking like a Gangsta'....at least his underwear wasn't showing (maybe because I had his belt so tight he couldn't sit down). 

Check out those shorts, and yes that is Rudolf in the background!

I wonder if they provide a class for sewing on patches for rookie moms.....