The Sarge of 4: "Will Fall For Blog"

It seems as if I would do anything for a blog post these days!
I know you all are just dying to hear the story of what happened to me yesterday! So without further ado, here it is:
Tuesdays are always busy days for me. Payton has her Mother's day out while I have Bible study and volunteer at the school. This Tuesday was even more filled because I had a plumber coming and Jesse was leaving for North Dakota for his 10 day trip.
The plumber was scheduled for 8:30 in the morning to install our new dishwasher. I figured he would be finished in plenty of time for me to at least catch the 2nd half of my Bible study. I decided to wait to take Payton until they were done. Problem is they didn't finish until 10:45 and my Bible study finishes at 11:30. It was already too late to take Payton as well so I figured I would just run what errands I had and then head to the school.

I gathered my things, put the dogs up and headed out the door. I was carrying Payton and I always try to be careful going down the stairs, because I am a bit of a klutz. I made it to the bottom of the stairs and missed the last step.

I did make it to the ground with my foot but rolled my ankle in the process. In slow motion I went down and as I was going down I managed to sit Payton down on her bottom ....it wasn't a gentle sit down, but she did not fall with me. As soon as I landed I screamed out in pain.....I was sure I had just broken my ankle.

Picture this: I'm lying in the garage floor, leg up in the air and me grasping my ankle screaming...it hurt people....really, it did! Payton's crying because I just scared the mess out of her and my stuff is scattered across the floor. I grabbed my phone and called Jesse...no answer....again, called Jesse...no answer...again, called Jesse and he finally picked up and this is what I said: "I THINK I JUST BROKE MY ANKLE". I think he heard the desperation in my voice and he said "I'm on my way".

I regained my composure and sent Payton crawling up the stairs in front of me while I hopped/dragged myself up the stairs. When I got the the landing I then sat down and drug myself through the house....yes drug. I couldn't move my foot and it was hurting so bad I couldn't put pressure on it. I finally get myself over to the couch and situated to wait for Jesse. But falling isn't what makes this story so funny....there are so many different little factors and this is where they begin.
As I am sitting there, still grasping my ankle which is surging in pain, Payton walks over and stops.....and then I hear it....an explosion in her pants. A complete blow out, and I knew that I couldn't leave it because that sound...grotesque sound....was the sound of diarrhea! So off the couch I go and I begin the dragging process of my body to the diapers and wipes. I manage to get the diaper changed (and it was a doozie) and get back to the couch. I get settled again and wouldn't you know it...SHE DOES IT AGAIN!!!!!! I sat there in disbelief.....YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!! So again, I repeat the process....drag body across floor, get diaper/wipes, change Payton....but this time I just stayed down on the floor. Luckily Jesse walks in just as I finished up. He gets me to the car and off we go to the ER.
It is now around 12:00 and Jesse is suppose to be leaving for his trip at 3:00. We figured there was plenty of time....no worries. We get to the hospital and he gets out and gets me a wheel chair. We make it inside and this is when I realize a "mini" miracle.....I ACTUALLY SHAVED MY LEGS THAT MORNING......PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!
When we get checked in we head to the waiting room and sitting right behind us is a lady who has a severe migraine. It was so bad in fact that she couldn't stop throwing up. So the whole time we were sitting there, this lady is throwing up constantly and Payton is just starring her down. Jesse gets up and goes to the car to get Payton's bag and while he is away the lady and a friend get up and go to the bathroom that is in the waiting room. Jesse returns and wouldn't you know it....Payton explodes her pants AGAIN! She is cutting her two bottom molars...I don't think I need to add anything to that!
So Jesse picks her up under her arms and is carrying her like she has some kind of disease. He heads to the bathroom and before I can say anything he opens the door on the lady that has the migraine is now hovered over the toilet pucking her brains out. Please picture Jesse standing there holding Payton out and then frozen that he just walked in on someone in the bathroom! I couldn't control my laughter....I was doubled over with tears!
After getting Payton changed things calmed down for just a minute until Payton tripped over her foot and fell in the waiting room and hit her head...NICE! So we have a woman sitting behind us again pucking, Payton screaming and the clock tick tocking toward 3:00.
We finally get back to the room and they take me to x-ray. Jesse left to pick up the Red's from school and I told him I'd call when I was done. It is now 2:30. At 3:00 he started calling every so often and at 4:00 he came back to the hospital. His buddies were waiting at the house on us to return so they could leave. Finally the doctor comes in and says "well it's not broken, but you have a severe sprain, I'm going to put you in an air cast and on crutches for the next 4-5 days. I don't want you to put any weight on that foot and I want you to elevate it most of the day". I looked at Jesse and he was pale, so I said..."I have 3 kids (6,5 and 1) and my husband is leaving today for North Dakota...". He cleared me for driving and told me to stay off the foot as much as possible. Jesse said he would stay home, but I assured him that I could handle things.
They strapped my boot on, handed me my crutches and sent me on my way. We pulled up and Jesse jumped in the car and left. I was left standing in the hallway on crutches starring at 3 little monsters that were screaming they were hungry. At that point I was was not thinking very nice thoughts about Jesse, but in all fairness I told him to go.
I tried, I really did, moving around with the crutches but after a few minutes I could tell that there was no way....absolutely no way that I was going to be able to manage my kids and use crutches at the same time. So instead I converted the crutches to pokers. Anytime the kids got out of line I gave them a poke....they even work great as a shepherds hook...I'm totally kidding!