Dumpers

I don't know what it is about my kids but they are dumpers.  They dump everything out.....everything!  It all started with Andrew dumping out his issy (sippy cup).  He would hold it upside down and mush the top against something and out would come the milk.  Then he figured out how to open things and dump on Eli's head, carpet, couch, etc...... 

Eli just joined along and helped out.  Eli's not so much a dumper as an accomplice.  Payton, however is another dumper......bottle, cups, and her favorite dog water!

Almost everyday she dumps it out no matter how many times she gets in trouble.  I've even tried moving it to different places around the house. 

I have shared a lot on this blog about my dumping kids so here are just a few photos of their best dumps.

 This would be syrup

 on Eli's head

the culprit

What you don't see is my couch, rug and ottoman that they poured the syrup on also.......the whole bottle!

 I think this is oregano

again the culprit

 Goldfish

more goldfish

Let's not forget the 5 lb bag of sugar and the bag of flour

Salt

more salt

bubbles

I didn't get pictures of them all so here's a list of just a few (I cannot emphasize the word 'few' strong enough) of the ones I missed:

dawn dish soap in the carpet

lotion dumped on the carpet

3 + bottles of shampoo on the carpet and lathered up on each other's head

dumped buckets of water out onto the carpet

dumped glue out on Jesse's mounted bobcat

and the worst:  Desitin on carpet...the whole tube.

Remember these are just the dumping stories...I have a whole other list of how many times I've had to call a plumber or times they've flooded the bathrooms and basement.

I have to say though....they are a lot of fun!  Looking through these pictures made me laugh even if I wasn't laughing at the time. 

Thing 1 and Thing 2

A few weeks ago we headed down to Alabama for the Beasley family reunion.  My mom and dad were hosting this year so we decided we would go down a week before and help get everything ready.  The basement of mom and dad's house wasn't finished and they had been working tirelessly on it for a while to get it ready for this weekend.  The week was dedicated to work as Jesse tiled, Stephen (my brother) did the bathrooms among countless others, I painted, Dad worked on the ceilings and getting the doors in and mom watched the kids and cleaned.  We also had some help with friends and family as well.  To say there was a big job ahead of us was an understatement.

You have to understand that my father is a rather particular perfectionist and he only bought the nicest quality material.  I am talking about granite tile for the floor (super hard to cut and lay), ornamented ceiling tiles that had to be cut a certain way and the nicest carpet.  Work was slow, tedious, and frustrating!  The carpet was going to be laid on Wednesday so everything needed to be painted and cleaned beforehand.  Dad had finished the ceiling tiles in one of the bedrooms so I got busy painting in there.  The Red's had managed to wonder downstairs and were now at my feet begging to paint.  I think we all know how disastrous that would have been so I said no and shooed them off.  What I didn't know is while I was on the latter busy painting the Reds has snuck in and stole a few of my brushes. 

Later that night while we were cleaning out the kitchen area, I noticed a smell of Clorox.  I asked mom if she had cleaned anything down there and she said no.  It was then that I looked down and noticed two paint brushes on the floor next to a Clorox spray bottle.  Then fear...panic......as I looked at the wall and see that my boys (the Red's) had sprayed the Clorox and then painted with it with the brushes.  Streaks of Clorox ran down the wall.  I quickly washed it off and saw there was no damage, but scolded the reds and sent them back upstairs.

The next day the reds escaped again to the basement and locked themselves in the bedroom that I had painted and where the ceiling was now complete.  Somewhere around the house they had located a ball and proceeded throwing it all around and ended up knocking one of the ceiling tiles out.......something else to be fixed.

One of the doors wasn't put in completely so they also managed to knock the door frame loose when they slammed the door.....yet another thing on the list of to do's.

Again, they were scolded and sent upstairs.

The carpet people came and installed the carpet and the cleaning process began.  Everything needed to be put into place.  Beds needed to be put together and made, shower curtains installed, you name it......the works!  We looked like busy little bees and swamped with work.  Jesse jumped on the weed eater and dad  was busy with finishing touches.  The night before the tile had been grouted and a bucket of water that was used to wash the tile now sat in the garage.  The bucket full of dirty water drew my kids in like a magnet and before we knew it Andrew had dumped the whole bucket out in the garage.  So he was handed a mop and told to clean it up.....scolded again and sent upstairs.

Finally everything was ready and we were getting ready to relax.....until.........

We looked down and saw a few drops of blood on dads brand new expensive carpet....WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!  I looked at Jesse and he looked at me and then we both looked down at Belle......yep.......in heat 3 months early.  What luck...........

I think we might have done more harm than good.

Oh did I forget to mention that Jesse dropped a pair of pliers on the granite and took a nice piece out of one of the tiles : )

Beautiful Irony

Jesse and I typically do not make a lot of large purchases because Jesse will get a case of buyer's remorse.  Only when he really wants something or sees reason does he let his white knuckles get some blood flow to the funds.  I'm okay with this because I can be a bit of a shopaholic and he balances me out nicely.  No need to lie to anyone...I LOVE to SHOP!  The other day I finally convinced Jesse that we needed a larger table in the kitchen area because we now have 3 kids.  Our table now only seats 4 and who wants to eat in the dining room every night where they would destroy my carpet?  I have searched everywhere and found the table of my dreams....Pottery Barn.....only problem is Jesse squashed my heart and said the words I hate most "NO".....too expensive for a table *sob*!  I recollected myself and started my search again, I found a few, but nothing that would suit us both (cheap, stylish, sturdy and 5 chairs).  I wasn't having much luck until one day I happened upon a table that was perfect!  8 chairs, Walnut finish, leather seats....beautiful!  I drug Jesse to the store Sunday after church and we made the purchase...a little more than he wanted to spend, but he knew I was happy with my find.....and did I mention 8 CHAIRS!!! 

He also didn't have a dog in the race because earlier that day he committed himself in buying a full blown state of the art drum set.  Yep, that's right....a drum set!  Jesse's long lost dream in life to be a rock star drummer finally took over and captured him.  He was so excited and couldn't wait to play them.

Looking like this:

HA!!!! Jesse is going to kill me for that...

We had purchased them from a friend of ours so he brought them over and set everything up.  While they were downstairs I heard this strange rattling sound coming from upstairs and I didn't find out what it was until our friend had left our house.  As I walked outside to water my plants I heard the noise from the side of the house, so I walked around to it.  Then I found it........dread........the air conditioner.......was dancing around and jumping like crazy.  I ran inside and cut it off.  Then tried to cut it back on.........nothing.....off...on......still nothing...OH NO!!!!!  It was 96 degrees outside and I feared the worse.  I went and got Jesse and he took a look at it.  He walked back in the house and looked at me and said, "well, we have a big problem....I think it's busted....the blades got loose and shredded the inside and we are going to need a whole new unit....WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 

We had just spent a lot of money on a new table and drum set...both items luxury and now we needed a necessity.  Not to worry...we had the money to fix it, remember my husband is a saver......but it just the irony of it all!  Turns out it we just needed a new fan and my paper pusher husband with a Mohawk (and I say that will all the love in the world...and he knows I think he rocks) doesn't know much about air conditioners.

I am writing this while sitting here with 5 fans blowing and the house a balmy 83 degrees......I could care less about the table or drums right now!

"Isn't it ironic, don't you think.  A little too ironic...yeah, I really to think
It's like rain on your wedding day,
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures"
Alanis Morissette 'Ironic'

My Personal Tesitmony

On July 24th 1997 I was in a car wreck, not just any fender bender, but a full blown total the car kind of wreck. You know you have always heard the saying:  slow down or you are going to wrap your car around a tree......yeah, I did that!  I was 18 and speeding...yes speeding (can you imagine an 18 year old speeding?) and hydroplaned on water that was running across the road.  It had just rained like a monsoon and the roads were sopping wet.  I lost control and started spinning in circles for what seemed like 10 minutes.  My car then ran off a ravine and luckily hit a few trees that stopped me from going to the bottom. On the way off the road I remember seeing the side of the mountain and thinking "I am about to hit".  The next thing I remember is waking up and seeing a tree right beside my head and feeling a sick feeling all over my body.  What had happened was instead of hitting the mountain side I hit a tree head on about 5 feet off the ground which deployed my airbag.  This picture is of the first tree I hit.

From the momentum of the spinning my car then flew through the air sideways and hit a tree to my left and wrapped itself around the tree.  So when I awoke I literally saw my tail lights on the other side of the tree. 
I didn't really know what was going on, but I knew that I had wrecked. I had started praying from the moment I lost control of my car. I grew up knowing God and with Him all around me, but had decided to live "my" life and not His. I was really good at playing the part of a Christian, you know the kind.... goes through the motions, but never has the personal relationship. I liked to live my life the way I wanted, but still put on my dress and headed to church on Sundays. I feared I had waited too late and I cried out prayers of desperation for Him to save me, to protect me, and for Him to forgive me. I thought surely my car would stop spinning and I would avert disaster. Little did I know that God had a bigger plan for my life and it wasn't my plan!
You will see the word "blessed" here a lot because I do not like to use the word "miraculous".  Not because I do not believe that the events weren't miraculous, but it just makes me feel weird using that word so I like to say that I am blessed!
I was blessed that an old friend and his father were traveling that same road and just a few minutes behind me.  You see, my car was jade green and it was late July in Alabama.  Everything around was green and being down in the ravine you couldn't see my car from the road...it blended in nicely.  They just happened to see the exhaust coming from my tail pipe and thought something was wrong with the picture.  They stopped and found me.  I wouldn't have been found if this blessing wouldn't have happened. They called for help and soon there after the paramedics and fire department arrived on scene and it took them 45 minutes to free me from my mangled car.   This picture is them working on getting me out of the car.  If you look closely you can see how high up my car hit on the tree.

As they pulled me out and carried me up the hill on the stretcher all I could think about was my shoes....yes you read right...my shoes.  They were brand new Timberland hiking boots and I LOVED them!  Please remember this is 1997 and Alabama....the style was hiking boots and no I am not a red neck!  In my mind I wasn't hurt that bad, maybe a few broken bones, but nothing major so I wasn't worried about dying anymore...I was worried about them cutting my shoes off me.  So I yelled at the paramedic to just please untie my shoes and don't cut them.  They all looked a  little puzzled and then chuckled and did as I asked.  I will say that I have never worn those shoes again.  In this picture you can see the doctor holding my shoes....not cut, but untied!

My injuries were severe and my body had started failing me.  I will tell you the last thing I remember is shoes......then blank.  By the time I reached the hospital I was in dire condition and was rushed immediately to surgery.  I had  extensive internal bleeding from being crushed in the car.  My pelvis was broken in 3 places, right arm broke, nose broke, lungs collapsed, lacerated spleen, kidneys failed, concussion and lacerations all over. I was placed in a coma to help me be comfortable and to heal. To sum up:  I didn't look pretty inside or out.

After days of endless surgeries the doctors came out and met with my parents.  The news was not good...I was dying.  They had tried everything they knew and just couldn't locate everywhere I was bleeding.  They then told my parents that the time had come for them to start thinking about and planning my funeral.  Harsh...but reality.  My mom (stunned, but with a Faith like no other) turned to my father and announced "THEY JUST DON'T KNOW MY GOD AND WHAT HE CAN DO".  With that the family headed to the prayer room and prayed through the night.

BLESSING:  The next morning Dr. Donald Smith (love that man) came back from his vacation early and headed to the hospital to see if there were any new cases.  He looked me over and my chart and wanted to talk with my parents.  He told them and this is word for word "the other doctors may have reached their limitations, but I haven't reached mine".  He wanted to take me back to surgery and try and find where I was bleeding out.  I guess you can imagine the outcome since I am writing this today!  He found the bleeders and I was sent on the road to recovery....a very long road!

 I had been in the coma for 3 weeks so my body could heal, so I had no clue of anything until I woke up. At first I was happy and very peaceful, but as the days wore on and the pain grew I started wondering why? Why me? Why did I have these scars now? Why didn't you spare my Lord? Why do I have to live like this now? My kidney failure had left me on dialysis 3 times a week and my broken pelvis had left me bed ridden and not capable of walking. I was told I would have a limp when I walked, and would be in a wheel chair for a while. I was also told that dialysis might be a permanent thing for me.  As an 18 year old, these things were really hard to deal with.

This is where my relationship with God really started to change. Somehow I grasped what had happened and stopped asking why. I would pray and listen to music and literally feel God all over me.  I would be in dialysis just weeping because I was so full of God's love and the doctors would keep asking if I was okay....I was so okay!  When it came time to start walking again, I imagined Him holding my hand and not allowing me to fall. God became real, alive in my heart. The funny thing was, He was always there, I had just pushed Him aside. God is always here with all of us, He never leaves us nor forsakes us. He loves us completely!

After 5 weeks of dialysis my kidney's finally kicked in and dialysis was no longer needed, and as for that limp, well it never appeared. Don't get me wrong, recovery was slow and painful, but I did it with God by my side. 6 1/2 weeks after my wreck, I walked out of that hospital a new person.   This is a picture of my car afterward....the indention in the middle is where the tree was.

I would never change anything that happened to me, because it taught me faith, perseverance, and most of all it taught me about God's love. So my prayer for you is that you not forget that God is with you, even though you might be going through some tough trials right now, He is with you and will NEVER forsake you.  He will give you the strength you need to persevere! All you have to do is trust in Him.

I wished I could end my story there, but it is an ongoing, evolving testimony! I have faced many trials in this short life, but they have made me the Christian woman that I am today. Each trial or crisis  has developed my relationship and love for God even deeper.  I am a very blessed woman and I am so thankful for each day that I have been granted. 

Testimony Time!

On this very day, July 24, 2010, 13 years ago I had my life changing experience. Many of you already know my story and have heard my testimony. You may also know how difficult it is for me to tell or write it because I feel I can never do justice or clarify just how amazing God is and what he has done. Today's testimony is a bit different.......however if you haven't heard my personal testimony and would like to read it just go to my next blog.

As the years pass I tend to forget my trials and get trapped in day to day routines. This year I have had this nagging inside where I feel like I am missing something.......feeling a bit useless. A few months ago we had a sermon at church called "I was made for this". It really struck a chord with me and I have tormented myself with the question of "what was I made to do?". As I prayed for God's guidance I was flooded with *ideas* of what I was made for and more importantly for me....what He kept me alive for (not being morid but after being at deaths door you can't help but wonder why you were saved).

First, I was made to be a mother...the greatest responsibility of all. We (mothers) are leading and guiding our children every day and shaping them into the adults they will become. This hit hard for me the other day as we were driving and I was listening to the song "are you washed in the blood". Andrew perked up and said "mom, what does that mean?". My first thought was: please oh please.....not the blood talk......how am I suppose to explain this? So I countered "Andrew, what does what mean?"....to my relief he answered "are we washed in Jesus". I explained to them and reminded them about Jesus dying for our sins and with this Andrew asked "what are sins?". So I went into the sin explanation and told them that sin is when we do bad things that God doesn't like and how we have to ask Jesus into our hearts and he will take all the sin away. When I said these words Eli said "mom, I want Jesus in my heart". Just writing these words makes me tear up all over again. I know he is too young to fully grasp the situation, but to have God stirring in his heart already just fills me up more than I can stand. So I was made to be a mother and to experience the wonderfulness of God's love through their eyes.

Second, I was made to sing God's praises. I'm not saying I'm the best singer out there, what I am saying is I feel the closeness between myself and God when I open my mouth and sing His praise. There is something magical when you open your soul and let God's love flood in through music. Anytime I have ever been in a trial, what has gotten me through is music. Years ago when I recorded my cd, I only chose songs that helped heal, helped strengthen, and helped me preserve.  My prayer was that others would use the words of the songs to help them as well.  I love to sing and lead people through music....so I was made to sing.

Finally,  and greatest of all.....I was made to love. Corny I know, but it's the truth. God's greatest commandment is to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength", also "we must love our neighbor as ourselves. I do...I love you, the person behind this screen....and the greatest thing of all is God loves you more.....no matter where you are, and no matter where you've been and no matter what you've done....HE LOVES YOU and he wants you to be His child forever!
It's as simple as Eli said...you just have to want Jesus in your life and ask Him in your heart.  He will make you a New Creation!

CHALLENGE:  What were you made for?  Take a few minutes and think about that question.  I am asking you to do me a favor and below this blog please post a response to this question.  I have faith in you guys so help me out on this!
Please post whatever comes to your mind when you think about this statement:
"I WAS MADE FOR.....THIS"

Clever

Over the past month or so Andrew has been having some pretty nasty nightmares that make him so terrified that he is afraid to go to sleep at night.  After talking with the doctor and trying some new things he thinks that Andrew has an over active imagination.  So over the past 3 nights before Andrew goes to sleep we pray with him and ask Jesus to help him not have any bad dreams and it's worked. 
Today while driving home from the store Andrew kept asking to play with my phone to which I told him no.  After a while he says "toy story 3 scares me" (he lured me in perfectly).  To which I answer "what are you talking about and why are you thinking about that right now?". 
(side note)*Jesse had taken the boys to see Toy Story 3 and Andrew got so scared from the freaky toys that he jumped up, put his hands over his ears, and ran out screaming.  Jesse wasn't happy about this at all and couldn't believe he got so freaked out so they ended up leaving the movie early*

So he answers "the movie toy story.....it scares me when Buzz is bad and it gives me bad dreams".  So I start telling him that the movie is just fantasy and not real and not to let it scare him.  He then looks at me and with a quivering little voice says "I think playing on your phone will make me feel better". 
Nicely played Andrew...very clever, very clever indeed!

Punishment

The other night we had an all out war with the Reds trying to get them to go to sleep.  While we were on vacation they stayed up late and now they are on the night owl schedule. The time was 11:45 and after going in their room for the fifth time I said the words they dreaded most.  I told them I was going to wake them up bright and early and they were going to clean the house.  They both wailed and promised they would go to sleep, but I stuck to my guns.  The next morning after waking them, I asked if they were ready to get to work cleaning and reminded them of their punishment and why they were getting punished.  They both wailed again and Andrew looked at me and said "MOM, you just want us to be SLAVES".  Seriously, six years old.......

God's Promise

Last night we had a storm that blew through and left a beautiful double rainbow in it's aftermath.  I ran and got the Reds and brought them outside.  They stood their in astonishment for a few moments and then started asking me all kinds of questions.  The first was: "why did God put a rainbow in the sky?", followed by "I want to touch it".  I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to link up the Bible story of Noah in their minds.  So I started with reminding them about Noah and the big boat and how God flooded the earth because of all the bad people doing bad things, and then finished off with how God put a rainbow in the sky as a promise he would never flood the earth again.  They listened intently and when I was finished Eli ran out the door and folded his little hands and said "thank you God for sending us a rainbow".  I thought how powerful that statement was and how Eli didn't even really know what he had just said.  How we forget to thank God for the promise he gave us and not destroying us even with all the ugliness in the world.  I have to say it brought tears to my eyes and I relished the moment.......until Eli turned and said "mom, is God gonna flood me when I'm bad?".  I thought about this for a second wondering if this could be one of those scare tactics I could use to get good behavior.....but in the end I decided to be nice and tell him to remember that it was God's promise never to flood the earth again and no God would not flood him.
The conversation quickly changed when both boys decided to dart the never ending questions of why they couldn't touch the rainbow and why we couldn't go to the end of the rainbow.........at least there was a moment.

Happy 1st Birthday Payton!

One year ago today we were given another gift to add to our family, a beautiful baby girl!  We were so excited when we found out we were having a girl and the first words out of Jesse's mouth were "well, I guess we will be paying for a wedding".  She has brought more joy and happiness to our little family and we feel blessed that God has given us this little princess to love! 

After a drama-less pregnancy (something I wasn't use to), we checked into the hospital at 6:30 to be induced (something else I wasn't use to).  Andrew and Eli's birth were very drama filled and stressful, but with Payton everything felt so relaxed.  My mom had flown in the night before and was watching the boys while Jesse and I were at the hospital.  So Jesse and I had the room to ourselves and we just had fun! 

This is Dr. Jesse checking to make sure everything is going well!

I was just chilling waiting for "the time"!

When "the time" came and after a few minutes of pushing, I hear the words a mom dreads the most, the doctor says "wow, now that's a big head"!  Not exactly what I was looking for, but hey, I really didn't get a say in the matter.  A second later out came my little big headed angel and everyone gasped at how big she was!  Andrew and Eli were little shrimps (Andrew 3 lbs 15 oz, Eli 5 lbs 3 oz).  I had assumed that Payton would be around 6-6 1/2 lbs judging by my previous babies, but nope.....she weighed in just at 8 lbs (before she peed.....official weight was 7 lbs 14 oz). 

This was our first picture with baby girl!

First family photo!

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY PAYTON!!!! WE LOVE YOU SO  VERY MUCH!

It shouldn't shock everyone to hear that she is in the 90% for her head circumference.....she takes after her daddy.....Fat Head Richardson ; )

Super Glue

You all know that I love my husband dearly, but sometimes I wonder what the heck is wrong with him!  The other day Jesse was busy down in his shop turning duck calls.  When he completes one he uses this special glue (aka....glorified super glue) to put a nice shine finish on it.  I just happen to walk down the stairs and see my husband grab his eye and he looked to be in pain.  I asked him what was wrong and he said he got the glue in his eye.  A million questions start crossing my mind, but I push them aside for now and tell him he needs to go and wash his eye out.  I push him toward the sink and start firing questions away.  It would seem that he opened the glue and it was a little clogged so he took off his safety goggles and started messing with the bottle when all of a sudden glue shoots up and lands right directly on his eyeball...talk about your luck!  So I tell him that I am taking him to the emergency room and with this I meet resistance.  He's a man, he can handle it....but I persist until he gives in or the burning in his eye takes over and knocked some sense into him.  We get in the car and the boys are zinging questions at him like "are you going to die" and stuff like that.  Then Eli (wise beyond his years) says, "daddy, you should have been wearing your glasses"....yes Eli, he should have been wearing his glasses...lesson learned!  After seeing the doctor they wash his eye out and numbed it to look around.  The piece of glue had dislodged itself and made it's way out of his eye...WHEW!  So Jesse and his eye are both fine, however, he did pout a lot that afternoon and wanted to be babied!

Embarrassment

The other day I took Payton to the surgeon's office for her check up just to make sure everything was healing nicely.  She had to have a hernia repair about a month ago.  Anyways, it's summer time so I had all three kids with me.  I threatened Andrew and Eli (like any good mom would do) to be on their best behavior or else.  So here we all go down the hall and into the room.  After a few minutes in walks the doctor/surgeon looking pristine!  So he takes a look at Payton and gives her the thumbs up and then turns to "the red's" who are both sitting quietly on a chair together.  He says "hey, I remember you guys from the last visit, do you remember me?".  Eli quickly answers "yes", and then the Doctor says "you do, well then what is my name (trying to be cute)".  Eli apparently picks up on the playful manner and answers "DR. POOTER".  And with that I say "Eli" and before I can continue Andrew and Eli begin chanting in unison "Dr. Pooter, Dr. Pooter, Dr. Pooter..HA HAHAHHAA".  I was mortified and the Dr. gave a smirk and was on his way.  I quickly scurried out of there reminding the boys the whole way that that was not his name and to stop saying it.  As we walked out of the office into the hallway toward the elevator we met face to face with the doctor again who was trying to get on the same elevator we were.  In my mind I am saying, "OH NO", but it's too late, the doors open and he waves me and my three kids in where they again start chanting "Dr. Pooter, Dr. Pooter, Dr. Pooter, Dr. Pooter, Dr. Pooter...HAHAHHAA, Dr. Pooter, Dr. Pooter, HAHAHAHA".  I apologize and try to regain control of my boys to no avail.  Finally the doors open and off the Dr. runs to do important surgeon stuff like save lives and POOT!

#1 Honeymoon Blues

#1
Honeymoon Blues

Now for the moment you have all been waiting for.....all these stories to be over with.  #1 funny moment with Jesse and I (and it wasn't that funny at the time, but over the years we  or I have laughed a lot about it).....Our Honeymoon!

Like most people I was looking forward to our honeymoon.  There are certain expectations that people have when they get married about the honeymoon....and that is "marital moments".  We decided that we would just take it easy and rent a cabin in the Smoky Mountains.  This suited both of our personalities and we just perused around town, shopped, went on nature hikes, watched movies, ate and enjoyed the hot tub.  The only bad thing about commercial hot tubs is that they put a ton of chlorine in the water to keep everything clean.  Not a problem while you're in it, but for some (Jesse) it may cause a problem later.

You see, between the over chlorinated water of the hot tub and the extremely harsh commercial detergent they used on the towels Jesse developed a rash, allergic reaction, chaffing....who knows....but it was something...."down there".   It hurt him to sit, stand, or lay down and forget about walking. He said it felt like certain things were on fire. Being the understanding new bride that I was I didn't see what the big problem was.  I mean come on....it was our honeymoon and my expectations......well.....they were there.  Needless to say there wasn't many "marital moments" to speak of on our honeymoon and in fact Jesse was a big baby about the whole thing ; ) Maybe not the funniest moment between us, but I felt like it deserved the #1 slot because it in fact got our marriage off to our funny start "marital momentless"!

HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY JESSE!!!! I love you so much and am so thankful that God blessed me with such a wonderful man!  I love all of our moments and look forward to many many more funny snot laughing times!

#2 First Anniversary

#2
First Anniversary

On our 1st Anniversary I really wanted it to be special and I was a little bummed that the whole day had passed and we hadn't done a thing.  I begged Jesse to take me out somewhere but our anniversary had landed on Sunday and he was adamant that we go to church that night.  So I tucked my tail between my legs and went feeling a little sorry for myself.  I have to say that I was upset and pouting by the time we left church and headed home with nothing planned.  I am a very sentimental person and I love to celebrate birthdays, holidays and especially anniversary's....it's just who I am.  Jesse on the other hand could care less...for him, it's just another day. 
However, I think he knew how important this day was to me and wanted to make it special.  When we drove up our driveway I could see something out on our pier.  He had planned everything out and had some of our friends come and decorate the pier and set up a romantic dinner out by the water.  There were candles everywhere and dinner was on the table waiting for us.  Only, Jesse had wanted to get food from the restaurant we had our rehearsal dinner and when our friends got there....it was closed!  So they improvised and went somewhere else, and it was wonderful.  Everything was so nice and romantic until about halfway through dinner a boat comes rolling up with the trolling motor.  We see a guy just fishing away on our shore paying no attention to us or our table and candles.  Then he starts fishing our pier...THE ONE WE ARE SITTING ON!  Jesse and I just look at each other like you have got to be kidding me!  Then Jesse says "you having much luck"?  With this the guy sees the green light to park his boat and have a 20 minute conversation with Jesse about fishing.....mostly the guy talking, but Jesse didn't discourage!  My Romantic dinner was ruined and I am just baffled that someone could be that oblivious to what is happening even with Jesse telling the guy it was our first anniversary! 
Finally the guy goes away and we get our year old cake out.  Let me just say that whoever came up with the tradition of freezing your wedding cake and eating it a year later is nuts with no taste buds...GROSS!  We spit it out and I was left to clean up the mess.....HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY!  I might be exaggerating the last part, I'm sure Jesse took the table in ; )
It was the thought that counted....right?????

So this is the only picture I could find of our pier.  Pay no attention to the dog dressed in the Santa suit!

#4 & #3 Hair Cut & Frostbite

#4
Hair Cut

Let me apologize before I start for my **  in this story.  There was no other way to explain! If any of you have ever watched the movies Jack A**  You will know what I am talking about.  If not, well you will still laugh a little.....or just think that I am evil.
The movies are about a bunch of guys running around and doing stupid stunts....real stupid.  Don't ask me why we watched them, but we did.  Anyways, in one of the movies they carried around hair clippers everywhere and every now and then they would walk up behind one of their friends and take a huge chunk out of their hair. 
Every so often Jesse will ask me to trim up his neck in between hair cuts.  The other night he asked again and while I trimming I made the comment...."hey, what if I did to you like they do in the movie Jack A**" (except I said Jack Butt).  I can't tell you what came over me next, but I took those clippers and took a chunk out of his hair.  He screamed like a child and said "please tell me you didn't just do that".  But I could tell he already knew I did only because I was in the fetal position on the floor snot laughing.  It tickled me so bad and I don't know why.  Before you think that I am such a  horrible person please know that he was going to shave his head that night anyways.  So the spot I left wasn't so noticeable after he was done.....it just looked like a "little" bald spot ; )

# 3
Frostbite

As with most couples during the first year of  marriage we fought the most.  It wasn't anything serious mostly petty stuff.  As I mentioned earlier we lived in a little 850 square foot house when we first married so there wasn't a lot of places to go to get away from each other when we were fighting.  One night something spurred a little tiff and Jesse decided that he didn't want to deal with it that night, so he hops out of bed and goes to sleep on the couch.  I have to say that this did not settle well with me.  We all know that the Bible says "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry".  I don't know if I was thinking that at the time or that I was just miffed that he left me there with an unresolved fight!  So I did what any scorned wife would do.  I walked over to the thermostat and turned the air conditioner as low as it would go....I think around 50 degrees or so.  Then I went and got into bed and snuggled deep under the thick comforter.  You see I knew that Jesse only had the throw blanket that was on the back of the couch and the rest of the blankets were in the bedroom with me.  I would say it was around 2:00 in the morning when Jesse came in the bedroom freezing and got back into bed, snuggled me close and said how sorry he was.  The next morning he made some comment about it being so cold and got up to check the thermostat.....only to realize that it was down on 50......he asked if I had done it and I couldn't help from laughing.....after all I did win that fight.  I will say he has never left to sleep on the couch again!

# 5 Grease

#5

Grease

I don't know if this one is that funny or just more embarrassing for Jesse and I.....either way, here it is!

Our old church in Alabama use to host a night that we all would perform skits and it was called "Night of the Stars".  It was always so funny to see everyone dress up and make fools of themselves.  One year the director of the event came up to us and begged....yes begged us to perform a skit....from Grease, "You're the One That I want".  It took a little convincing but we finally agreed. If you know Jesse you know that he never does anything halfway so we were going for the GOLD! We got the movie and watched it again to get the moves down and learned the song so we could lip sing.  We practiced endlessly...which is funny in itself!  We also went out and found outfits to wear. 
You know that gut churning feeling when you are about to make a fool of yourself and you know it, but can't do a thing about it...yeah, that's how we felt.  Even sitting here writing this my stomach is turning just thinking of how ridiculous we looked in front of all those people!
The night of the event we got ready and waited our turn.  Something happened to my husband and he transformed into a stage hog!  We went out, the lights came up and the music started and Jesse was "ON"!  I got tickled somewhere in the middle and started laughing.  At the end of the song Jesse does something we had not practiced at all....he picks me up like holding a baby and acts like I am breaking his back...lots  of laughs...thanks for that!  Then as we are walking off stage...HE SLAPPED MY BUTT....right in front of the whole church!  I immediately turned eight shades of red and wanted to climb under something.  He was so wrapped up in everything that he completely forgot where he was.  We did not get asked back the next year....but it might be because we moved....we will never know : )  Only because I love you all so much is the ONLY reason I am sharing this picture with you and again my heart is pounding with mortification!

#6 Gus's Attack

# 6  Gus's Attack

A month after Jesse and I were married we decided to get a wiener dog.  We were so proud of this dog and loved him like a he was our child.  We named him Gus after my favorite hot dog stand in AL.  We had all kinds of toys for him and he loved to play with any kind of stuffed animal especially the fuzzy kind.
At my lingerie party my girlfriends thought it would be funny to get me something a little crazy.  What kind of lingerie party would it have been if there wasn't at least one thing that embarrassed me.  So the garment they picked out was pink and fuzzy...very fuzzy and the fuzzy parts were...well...you get the picture. 
The first time I ever put it on Gus just so happened to be on the bed with Jesse sleeping.  I wasn't quite sure how the "outfit" would be received, because it was quite funny to look at.  I came into the bedroom with the "outfit" on and Jesse erupts into laughter.  When he started laughing it woke Gus up and he immediately lunges at me and grabs part of the fuzziness.  He had mistaken my "outfit" for one of his toys and was ready to play.  Jesse is now on the floor crying laughing and I am trying my best to get the dog off of me.  Needless to say the "outfit" never came out of the drawer again.

# 7 The Great Mouse Hunt

#7
The Great Mouse Hunt

When Jesse and I first married we bought a small house on the lake.  We loved our little cottage and it fit us perfectly!  Jesse was in heaven and fished almost every night.  The only problem with the house was that it was only one bedroom.  Whenever we had company we had to put an air mattress up in the living room.  So we decided to build onto the house.....we basically built a whole other house and attached it.  The existing house was not going to be touched until the other side was framed and window and doors were in.  At that point they would take down the wall between the two houses.  Jesse and I were still living in the small house, but when that wall came down everything changed.  Separating the houses was a large heavy duty plastic sheet so as you can imagine small things like critters could pass back and forth. 

So one night we were lying in bed watching t.v. and we see a mouse (a very small mouse) run across the floor and behind the computer desk.  Underneath the desk was a book shelf that was built in and the mouse was behind all those books.  Jesse gets on the floor (lying on his side) on the side of the desk and I am in front.  He gets the bright idea that I should push the books in and scare the mouse out and he will trap it.  So I do as I am told and I push the books all the way back with one quick push.  But instead of the mouse running out and into the entrapment it ran straight for Jesse, right up his leg and onto his chest.  Again, I wish I had a slow motion button because the movements and child like screams that came from my manly husband were almost too much to take.  He screamed louder than any woman I have ever heard and jumped up dancing around and brushing his chest with his hands repeatedly.  Talk about your snot laugh....I was on the ground gasping for breath immobile from the pain of laughter.  We would be millionaire's if I had that exact moment on tape. 

We moved out the next night.....Jesse couldn't take the thought of the mouse coming after him again! ; )

#9 & #8 Wedding Day!

I thought I would combine these since they happened on the same day.

#9
  Tissue Please

Jesse and I were married on Saturday July 8th, 2000.  It was such a great day and everything was running smoothly.  I was the wedding planner and I didn't really have time to relish the moment until the doors of the church opened and my Dad looks at me and says "it's time".   
With that we both take a step forward and before I knew what hit me tears were streaming down my face.  We are not talking about pretty tears either....nope I had entered into what I like to describe as "the ugly cry".  Try as I might, I could not get a hold of myself and with each step my face became more and more disturbing.  I'm just going to chalk it up to all the stress being relieved at once....or just being a women (because we are allowed).  Finally we descended upon the stage and the tears slowed...but only for a few moments.
In my plans for my wedding I had decided that I wanted my Father to perform our vows.  He is a minister still (card carrying and all) so I thought how perfect, sweet and personal it would be.  What I hadn't counted on is how emotional it would be also.  Most of you know that I was in a really bad car accident  when I was 18 years old that nearly took my life (a story for another time) and this accident really affected my family.  So at our wedding my Father goes into this amazing  script of just how precious I am to him.  You can imagine my response....more ugly crying. 
I thought however that I was a very prepared bride.  I was sure that I had thought of everything....even wrapping a tissue around my bouquet...genius!  So every now and then I would unwrap the tissue and dab my eyes and cheeks. 
We wrapped the service up and Jesse and I walked arm in arm down the aisle and out the church doors for a quick picture on the church porch.  When we exited the photographer started snapping away and Jesse stops and says "wait a minute....let me get this".  He reaches over to my face and pulls a chunk of tissue off of it!  I had gone the whole service with this stupid tissue on the side of my face and no one helped me out...including my new husband!  Did I happen to mention that the tissue was BLUE! 

#8
  Excuse Me I Have an Announcement

So after the reception Jesse and I got ready to leave.  We survived all the bird seed that was thrown our way and ran to the car.  When we got to the car we noticed that my brothers had done a piece of work on it.  It was wrapped in plastic wrap with shaving cream all over.  While Jesse was busy unwrapping the car I huddled up with my girlfriends and we were just gabbing away oblivious to what or who was around us.  Someone said something referring to our "wedding night" and I said "I can't wait...I get to have *a marital moment* with Jesse tonight" and with that I hear behind me ......"what are you going to do tonight?". When I turned around I see my beloved father standing right behind me and he heard everything we had said.  Okay, we all know he knew what was going to happen...but I was still so embarrassed!

p.s.  One year later Jesse ended up with a sinus infection.  He went to the doctor and they took a look in his ears.  The nurse looked at Jesse and said, "did you know you have what looks to be a pop corn kernel in your ear".  Astonished Jesse said "no way".  She squirted some fluid up in his ear and out comes a bird seed!  When everyone was throwing the birdseed at us at the wedding some of it got in his ear and traveled all the way down the canal......how bizarre!