Monday, December 6, 2010


This year Andrew has asked Santa for a snake...yes a snake, reptile, slithery, slimy creature.  As much as I would love to say yes (and as many blogs as it would bring me) I had to respectfully decline.  When I broke the news to my beloved first born he was crushed.  Tears streamed and his wails could be heard for miles.   All he kept saying over and over is "Santa will bring me a snake, that's all I want, Santa will bring it to me".  For thirty minutes our conversation persisted only to meet the same brick wall.  He was not budging...he wanted a snake and that was that!  I tried reasoning with him, I tried telling him Santa didn't bring pets, I tried telling him the snake would die on the sled....nothing worked!
So being the excellent mother that I am I decided it was time to bring out the big guns.  I told him the one thing that would change his mind......that it would kill Sissy Lou.  Look, don't judge, you would have said anything you could to keep that slithery creature out of your house as well. 
I explained that the snake would get too big....bigger than daddy and that it might kill Sissy Lou, Belle or Gus.  With that he stopped crying and said..."oh, like the big snakes at the zoo"....I replied "yes Andrew, just like those big snakes".  He thinks about it for a second and says "oh, well then I don't want a snake I want a lizard".
Great.....we have jumped from one reptile to the other.
I decided that it would be a good idea to take him to the pet store to see these "lizards" in person and see if that is really what he wanted.  So after church yesterday we headed over to the pet store.  Upon arrival we quickly realized that there were only two types of lizards available...a gecko or a bearded dragon.  The manager told us that the bearded dragon would be the best for pet and she pulled one out of the cage for us to see up close.  She knelt down with it and the lizard was kind of cute...and small.  I was thinking....this could be doable....
Andrew began petting it and seemed happy....but then Eli realized what was happening and saw the lizard out of the cage and screamed with the cow & hummingbird fear (what can I say, the boy is scared of animals apparently).
Okay, see if you can picture this:
Jesse is kneeled down behind Andrew, Andrew is standing, The store manager is kneeled down in front of Andrew with the lizard on her hand, I am kneeling beside Andrew with Sissy Lou and Eli is standing behind the store manager.  We are in a small aisle with no escape.  Eli is screaming crying saying "put it up, put it up".  Sissy Lou is squealing with excitement and lunging forward trying to grab the lizard, and Andrew is petting the lizard so hard that his skin is peeling off. 
All of a sudden, with all the excitement surrounding it, the lizard makes a leap and lands on Jesse....screams and shrills let out and you would have thought someone just got bit by something.  The lizard then begins running up Jesse's arm and down his back.  Eli is screaming louder, Sissy Lou is so excited she can't stand it, and Andrew just wants the lizard back.  I am about on the ground snot laughing and all I can utter is "Jesse if that thing jumps on your face, then I am going to pee"....Jesse replies "you aren't the only one".  We are all crying laughing with the "what if" thoughts and the lizard is still running around on Jesse.  Finally the manager captures the lizard and calm returns!
Then I asked the question that killed the excitement...."so, how big do these things get?".  She answers "3 feet"......WHAT!  No way....that's as big at Andrew....No now guess what talk we had to have with involved more crying and disappointment. 
Finally we told him, that maybe we wouldn't get a pet for Christmas, but we would revisit the idea for his birthday.  Something tells me that I am going to have a sad little man on his birthday as well.....but all I can envision is a 3 foot lizard running around my house (because some little monsters let him out of his cage) with 3 kids and 2 dogs chasing behind him. I think that is more than this momma can bare........
But who knows......if ever I get into a writers block and become blog less we could revisit the idea sooner....anything for you guys to have a good chuckle!

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